Page 132 of Not Safe For Work

Chapter 31

Two nights later, I was no closer to an answer, but I was out of excuses and out of time. I pulled into Rick’s driveway, whispered a prayer that I could get my head together and killed the engine.

As he always did, he came out the front door before I was up the walk.

I faked the most convincing smile I could. “Hey.” I wrapped my arms around him. “I’ve been looking forward to seeing you.” At least that wasn’t a lie—I still wasn’t sure I could conjure up the energy to be what he needed tonight, but just holding him and kissing him here on his front porch was enough to shake some life into me. I had been looking forward to seeing him. I just wasn’t looking forward to the inevitable moment when I had to tip my hand.

Not now, though. Tonight, I needed to be what he needed.

We exchanged smiles. Another kiss. No words needed to be said—we both knew what we wanted. Or rather, what I would have wanted in the lifetime that existed prior to facing down my bosses.

In silence, he took my hand and led me inside, and then we were on our way up the stairs, and I felt like shit. This was all wrong. This was…this was not what I wanted.

Red! a voice screamed in the back of my mind. Red! Red! Red!

What the fuck? I was following my sub into his bedroom. Why did I feel more like a lamb being led to slaughter?

Oh. Right. Because I was out of my fucking mind. Because I wasn’t here to have sex with my boyfriend. I was here to keep him happy so he’d keep pouring money into the pockets of my firm, in hopes that some of that money would trickle down to me.

I toed the bedroom door closed behind us and begged both mind and body one last time not to let him down tonight.

Rick faced me. “How do you want—” He cocked his head. “You all right?”

Not even close.

His forehead creased, and in a gentle voice, he asked, “You’re still in that funk, aren’t you?”

I leaned heavily against the door. “It’s…” No, I wasn’t going to lie to him. This wasn’t top drop. “Fuck…”

“I can see it, Jon.” He stepped closer. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”

You don’t know the half of it.

I forced back the nausea burning its way up my throat.

“Jon.” He looked me right in the eyes. “Talk to me.”

My stomach churned. He wasn’t going to let this go, and I couldn’t blame him. If the roles had been reversed, I’d have been pushing him to talk to me too, especially if he wanted me to participate in a scene with him. I owed him the honesty I’d have expected from him.

“It’s…” I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. “The firm knows about us.”

“They…” He cleared his throat. “Come again?”

I dropped my hand. “They know. Someone saw us in the parking garage. They had the security camera tapes reviewed and…” I gestured dismissively. “They know.”

Rick’s eyes widened. “Oh. Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“Have they said anything about it?”

I whistled. “Yeah. Yeah, they have.” This nervous energy was going to drive me insane, so I pushed myself off the door and started pacing across the plush carpet while Rick watched. Running a shaking hand through my hair, I scrambled to put my thoughts in order.

He stopped me with a hand on my elbow. “They’re not threatening your job, are they?”

“Not…not the way you’d expect.”

“What does that mean?”