Page 141 of How to Lose a Lord in Ten Days

Her tone was ever cheerful, but her hand, as she poured coffee, shook slightly.

‘At least you may be relieved it is all over,’ Ashford told her quietly.

Phoebe leant back into her chair with a tired sigh. ‘I am not sure relief is the correct word. If anything, I feel more unsettled than before.’

She sighed again.

‘I have spent so long building my life and world around him, you see,’ she said, almost apologetically. ‘Worrying over his every expression, anticipating his every feeling, trying to keep him from anger. It made me feel frantic, feverish, half-mad at times, but … it was my life.’

Not for the first time in the past few hours, Ashford found himself wishing that the confrontation with Sir Waldo had turned violent. However badly he would have fared against Sir Waldo’s bulk, at least he could have had the satisfaction of landing a few blows upon his person. He could only hope that the crossing to Mauritius was as perilous as reported – and pray for stormy weather.

Ashford reached out to touch his cousin’s hand.

‘Everything will be well,’ he promised.

The corners of Phoebe’s mouth wobbled. She pulled away from him to take a hasty sip of coffee.

‘It is strange, is all,’ she said, with more of her usual briskness, ‘to have everything so different all at once. I’m sure I shall be settled again presently.’

‘Of course you will,’ he said. ‘I will remain here a while, while you find your feet.’

She surveyed him over the rim of the teacup.

‘How charitable,’ she said, as if this were a bad thing. ‘Does such altruism have anything to do with Miss Hanworth’s departure this morning? Running away from your problems, are you, cousin?’

‘I am not running away,’ Ashford said, trying to keep the irritation from his voice. She has been through a great deal, he reminded himself. Now is not the time for squabbling. ‘And everything with Miss Hanworth is resolved.’

Lady Phoebe took a bite of muffin and hummed consideringly.

‘I saw you, last night, you know. You looked as though you were having the time of your life before your father arrived. What occurred to overset you?’

‘I realized the selfishness of my actions,’ he said. ‘The immorality of deceiving him. I had to be honest.’

‘I do not pretend,’ Lady Phoebe said slowly, ‘to understand exactly what has gone on between you two. But I do not know how jilting a young lady, whatever the circumstances, can be an honourable act.’

Ashford tried not to wince. He would tell Phoebe the full story as soon as he could bear to – for now, he would have to accept such judgement, however ill it sat.

‘Sometimes the right thing is the wrong thing,’ he quoted softly, looking down to his hands. ‘I have behaved abominably, but she will be happy to be rid of me. She did not wish to marry me, you see.’

Phoebe gave a little harrumph. ‘I agree that you behaved abominably, but I do not think she will be happy to be rid of you. She did not look so, last night.’

The memory of Miss Hanworth’s shocked face swam across his mind and he winced.

‘I should never have asked her,’ he said – as much reminder to himself as it was justification to Phoebe. ‘We are entirely unsuited. I can only thank goodness I realized it before it was too late.’

Lady Phoebe set down her knife with an ominous clink. ‘Ashford, I can just about forgive you for deceiving me, these past ten days, but I do find it mortifying that you continue to deceive yourself.’

Ashford bridled. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘When Miss Hanworth first arrived,’ Lady Phoebe said, fixing him with a steely eye. ‘I thought her the most appalling choice imaginable. I could not believe you had fallen in love with such a person – and even now, knowing the truth of everything that has occurred, I still believe she is deplorably unsuited to the role of viscountess, let alone duchess.’

‘I agree—’ Ashford tried to intervene, but Phoebe raised a hand.

‘However, I do think there is something between you,’ she said. ‘You have been more yourself, this week, sniping and snarling and spilling wine upon each other, than I have known you to be for years – and that is the future I wish for you.’

Ashford did not want to hear this – could not hear this.

‘I am content with the future I have chosen,’ he said brusquely.