Page 36 of All That Glitters

I let out a shaky sigh.

“We were just talking. We’ve had to work together for the paper, and it’s made it harder to stay away from him. I miss him so much—” My voice cracks. I shake my head. “But I know this is for the best. Anyway, I mentioned forgetting my pen, so he gave me his. And then brought up being friends. I got overwhelmed and left, but then I saw this.”

I pull the pen out and hand it to Jasmine.

“It says Goldie,” she voices. “Do you think it was meant to be a gift for you?”

I shrug. “I’m not sure. He didn’t say anything about the engraving when he gave it to me.”

I tug my hand out of Jasmine’s so that I can rub my eyes. My makeup smears on my fingers.

“You said you’ve been working together. Has he tried to talk to you or smooth things over?” Saylor asks.

“Just about every time we’re alone,” I mumble.

“You don’t want that?” she questions.

I bite the inside of my cheek as more tears well up.

“I don’t know what I want,” I whisper.

I’m scared to want anything at all. When I think of the future, I see my mother. Hear her voice reminding me that everyone will let me down, especially a man. And wasn’t she right? Not long after we kissed, Jameson betrayed me. I know that I pulled back first, but he could have fought for me instead of betraying me.

“You said you miss him,” Jasmine says quietly. “Maybe things could be repaired. He could have a reason, or at least an apology.”

I tuck my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them.

“They probably could, but I don’t know if I want them to,” I confess.

“Because of the kiss,” Aurora adds.

I rest my chin on my knees.

“Yeah, I mean, if we become friends again, what happens when one of us meets someone?” The very thought of Jameson with someone else makes my heart clench painfully in my chest. “There’s no way that goes well. It’s not like we can say things have always been platonic between us.”

“And you don’t want to be more than friends?” Jasmine questions.

I shake my head, even as longing springs up inside me. My mother’s words echo like the chimes of an old clock in my mind.

“No, that can’t happen.” My voice is shakier than I want it to be.

Right as I’m speaking, my phone buzzes in my pocket. Thinking it might be Paisley, I pull it out. A text from a number I know but have yet to enter back in my contacts shines through the screen. Jameson.

Unknown: Are you home safe?

My stomach dips. He’s not questioning why I left or trying to get me to talk. Just asking if I’m safe. That makes it all the more difficult to maintain my distance.

Marigold: Yes.

I send the text without telling my friends about it. I can tell they don’t understand, and while I’m glad I shared, there’s only so much I can take for one night. Talking about my parents is not something I’m up for.

Jasmine wraps an arm around me and pulls me closer.

“We’ll be here for you, whatever you need. No judgment,” she promises.

I muster up a smile. “Thanks, Jaz.”

Aurora presses play on the movie, likely anxious to get away from all the emotional talk. I’m grateful for it, because I don’t have the energy to keep going tonight. Though with how little sleep I’m getting, I’m not sure I’ll ever have enough to expend.