Page 70 of Vandal Unbound

I look over to the table of bikers. The sight of them is becoming more and more familiar, and as I think about Knox’s words, I start to make a different portrait of them in my mind.

I’d always thought that motorcycle clubs were about organized crime and thuggery. That may be the stereotype, but the truth is much more complex.

Knox leans closer toward me and lowers his voice. “We can dress this up anyway we want to, but we all know the reason he’s in New Jersey is because of you. And I’m not putting that on you, because the reality is, he’s doing the work to get better andthat’s all I care about. You gave him a reason to want something different, and I’m always going to be grateful to you because of that.”

It’s hard to respond because what blossoms inside me is the horrible ache of hope. “He's got a whole heap of reasons before me,” I say. “Havoc. The club. His mom.”

Knox smiles as though he can see straight through the naivety of my answer. "Sure, he has had people who loved him before you. But that's not the same thing as having a future he could picture.”

My fingers curl around the edge of the bar. “He can picture one with us?”

Knox doesn’t answer quickly, and the silence makes me apprehensive. “I think he’s trying to decide if he’s allowed to. So, when he gets back, I’m gonna ask you to handle him with grace.”

I stiffen, and Knox notices. “Don’t get me wrong,” he continues. “I’m not asking you to take any bullshit from him. I’m not asking you to excuse him if he hurts you, and I’m sure as hell not asking you to put Elsie second.”

“Good,” I say quickly. “Because I’ve made that mistake once, Knox, and I’m not doing it again.”

“Nobody would expect you to. But recovery isn’t pretty. He might come back raw. Quiet. Angry. Too close one minute and halfway out the door the next. He might not know what to do with you being kind to him.”

I let out of breath. “I’ll try to be careful.”

“I know you will.”

“I like him, Knox. And I’ve got more than a million reasons why I shouldn’t, but I do like him, more than is probably sensible.”

“When it comes to this life, sensible doesn’t usually get much of a vote. And I don’t have room to tell anyone who they should fall for given my fiancée’s father killed my brother.”

I put my hand on his arm as I think about what Maren had shared with me. “That's a lot to process.”

A smile returns to Knox’s face. “I wouldn't want anyone else but Maren. But it also means I don’t get to act like love is easy. So, while you’re deciding for yourself whether those million reasons you talked about could be put to one side for the sake of loving someone, I need you to understand something. I already know the answer. And I know that he’s worth it.”

Now it’s my turn to smile. “That’s quite a reference you just gave him.”

Knox sighs. “I hope you heed it. And I hope the two of you are happy, but you also need to know that there’s a caveat to every single thing I’ve said today: I won’t let anyone get in the way of him getting better. And if this sounds like a warning, it’s because it is. I won’t let the club or his pride or some ghost from his past or even you get in his way.”

I should be offended, and maybe a piece of me is, but another part of me understands exactly what Knox is trying to tell me. That Vandal has dangerous people who would stand between him and anything in the world that was causing Vandal to hurt himself.

And that gives me more hope than I can express to Knox, because it tells me that Vandal is not alone.

“I’m not trying to get in the way, Knox. I can’t promise I won’t get scared. I can’t promise I’ll always know what he needs. I can’t promise I won’t mess up because there’s a high probability I will, but I’m not careless with people I care about.”

“No,” Knox says quietly. “I’m starting to see that.”

“But I will admit that the life you all lead scares me sometimes. And it’s the kind of life I’ve been exposed to before and didn’t come out on the winning side of.” My voice catches on the last word, and I hate that it does, but I forced myself to keepgoing. “If I decide no, it won’t be because of the man—it will be because of the life he leads.”

Knox reaches for my arm and squeezes my bicep. “And he’s the man he isbecauseof the life he leads. Just remember he so wanted to be the man for you, he went thousands of miles to speak with someone in New Jersey to learn how.”

My eyes burn at that. “I’ve missed him. So has Elsie.”

“And he’s missed you. But you won’t have much longer to wait to see him.”

Something trips inside my chest. “Why not?”

“Because he’s coming home tomorrow.”

21

VANDAL