Page 109 of Vandal Unbound

“You’re all making it fucking weird,” Sunny shouts from the back of the line.

And that makes everyone laugh and move a little faster.

“Jesus,” he says when he finally reaches me. “That was going to be more morbid than the whole ‘we should say our goodbyes’ bullshit that happened before you went into surgery.”

Havoc goes last. He opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, then simply shuts it, shakes his head, and walks by.

I’d feel the same if I’d watched him nearly die too.

And sometimes, you don’t need words to let someone know exactly what you mean to them.

By the time I make it to the big table, my chest aches. It’s not from the ribs that have long since healed. It’s probably the joyful agony of being knitted back together.

I look at my chair waiting for me, tip my head back, and sing about being on my way home.

Sunny puts his hands over his ears. Reaper mocks slamming his head into the table.

“Jesus Christ,” Lock says. “We said welcome back, not assault us with Mötley Crüe.”

I grin at that. “I want to say something before we start if that’s okay, Knox.”

He gestures to me that I have the floor.

“I disappeared, not literally…but I withdrew from you all. I know I had reasons, and I know every man here would tell me they were good ones. But you were dealing with club shit while I was buried under my own, and that left weight on your shoulders that you shouldn’t have had to carry for me.”

Havoc shifts next to me but doesn’t interrupt.

“I’m not apologizing for being fucked up,” I continue, “but I am apologizing for not trusting you enough to let you all see it. To see how bad it had become.”

Knox leans back in his chair and nods.

“Are we supposed to hug again?” Sunny says. “Because I feel like I already used my emotional capacity for the quarter.”

A laugh breaks from Ridge, then me, and the others follow.

Knox lets the levity ride for a minute, then he looks at me. “Apology heard. But don’t do it again.”

“I’ll try not to get abducted and tortured next time,” I say, but I smile.

“See,” Sunny says. “Everyone has room for growth.”

Havoc throws an empty cigarette pack at him.

“Since you’re back,” Knox says. “You need to be caught up.”

“Caught up?”

Knox lays out what the brothers have been doing in my absence. I saw them all yesterday, but this is different. I was getting sober and detoxed, and then I went to New Jersey, and then since I got back, we moved Daisy and Elsie in.

I suppose there’s a lot I missed.

They’ve been following down leads given to them by Christian. They’ve been leaning on contacts, tracking money, watching roads, protecting everyone close to it. Even wrestling down the shop that made the embroidered cuts while I’ve been getting well.

And they’ve been doing it all without me.

Havoc notices my reaction before anyone else, and his boot knocks slightly against mine under the table.

“I should have been here.”