Page 378 of Mercy Written in Blood

"Yes," Renji repeated. "He would have considered it self-indulgent."

Haruki smiled faintly.

"I might have liked him."

Renji looked at him.

"He would have liked you."

"That sounds optimistic."

"He had poor judgement."

"Then definitely."

The humour did not reduce the grief. It made room beside it.

Renji returned to the chair. This time, he placed it close enough that his knee touched the bed. Haruki offered his hand again. Renji took it.

"My lie," Haruki said, "is not the same."

"No."

"You already know it."

"I believe I do."

"Say it."

Renji studied him. Haruki's face had become guarded. The request cost him more than the words suggested.

"You believe protection is the only form of love you are permitted to receive," Renji said.

Haruki's fingers tightened slightly. Renji continued.

"You make yourself indispensable so abandonment becomes impractical. You stand between danger and everyone else because being needed feels safer than being chosen."

Haruki looked away. The truth settled. Neither man rushed to ease it.

"That was cruel," Haruki said eventually.

"Yes."

"You could have been gentler."

"You requested accuracy."

"I regret that."

"No, you do not."

Haruki looked back.

"No."

Renji traced the edge of his hand with one finger.

"You funded Sota because helping from a distance allowed you to care without being seen caring."