Page 66 of Ethan

It was going to be humiliating and awful and agonizing, no matter how it was done, but this feltless, at least.

“Yeah,” Hank agreed, still trying to swallow that lump away, but it was stubbornly sticking around.

Inverness sighed. “We talked last spring about how there was going to be a spot on our fall roster for you, Hank, but sometimes, things don’t work out the way we want—or that weneed—them to.”

Hank could barely get his agreement out, but the silver lining was that Inverness seemed to understand how shitty this was and he didn’t drag it out, either.

“I want to reassure you that whatever happens now, youarethe future of the defense on our roster. Niko . . . well, the hope that if he keeps this up, he might be a good trade piece at the deadline.”

It was a sentiment clearly designed to make this whole thing more palatable, and even if Hank believed it—which he did, actually, because Inverness wasn’t the kind of guy to prevaricate or to make shit up—it didn’t change anything about how shitty this felt.

How he was going back to Syracuse, even though he’d sworn to himself that he wouldn’t. And even worse, that he was going to leave Ethan here, because it was looking more and more like Ethan was going to make it.

Oh, God.Ethan.

Inverness was going over some logistical details like when he’d be expected to report to Syracuse, and how the team could help him facilitate the move back to his old apartment, but all Hank was thinking of wasEthan Ethan Ethan.

He was supposed to be taking Ethan out tonight.

And who’d he been kidding? It would’ve been their first date. What Hank had been hoping, deep down, would be the first of many, and now it wasn’t going to happen after all.

Or, itcould, Hank supposed. He’d earned it. He’d scored the goal. He could show up in an hour to pick Ethan up, and he could take him out anyway.

Inverness ended the call by saying, “Hank, I want to promise you again, this isn’t forever. First spot on the roster for a d-man? You’re our call. You’re playing better hockey than the AHL needs you to, and we want you here.”

Not enough to pick me over Niko, Hank didn’t say, though he was painfully tempted to give a middle finger to the whole fucking situation and do it anyway.

“Thank you, sir,” Hank said. Because he wasn’t stupid, and hedidwant to be Inverness’ first call, and pissing off the Bandits’ general manager would be the worst way to guarantee that.

Inverness’ voice softened even more. “I know how shitty this is. But I know you’ve got this, Hank.”

The lump was impossible to swallow, so Hank had stopped trying. He made some noise that might be,I agree with you, even if he wasn’t sure he did.

And then the nightmare phone call was finally fucking over.

Hank sat there for a very long moment.

Part of his brain stuck on the list of things he’d need to do to head back to Syracuse. He wasn’t due there until noon tomorrow. He could pack later. Could leave early in the morning and make it there in plenty of time.

Could still take Ethan out to the little Italian place Dom had recommended. Watch Ethan’s smug pleasure in his pretty blue eyes shining in the candlelight.

Could still lean over and take the kiss he knew they both wanted when he drove Ethan back to the apartment he was sharing with his brother.

But Hank already knew he couldn’t do it. Wouldn’t be able to stomach it. Wasn’t sure Ethan would be able to, either. But still,fuck, he couldn’t bail on him entirely, and the idea of going back to upstate before seeing him again?

Absolutely the fucking worst. This already sucked enough, he wasn’t doingthat, too.

Decided, Hank dragged himself off the couch. Took a shower. Debated on what to wear. If he showed up in shorts and a T-shirt, Ethan would probably think something was up. Of course, the moment he showed up and Ethan got a glimpse at his face, he was going to know something was up, anyway.

In the end, he put jeans and a T-shirt on. It wasn’tthatdifferent from what he’d probably have worn if this was going to be a date.

He drove over to Charlie’s apartment building. Parked in a visitor spot and, taking a deep, resigned breath, headed up in the elevator to the right floor.

Ethan opened the door on Hank’s first knock, like he’d never gotten the memo about looking too eager.

Hank froze.

Goddamn it.