Page 71 of Examining the Bond

She drags a hand over her face and sighs. “I work with patients all the time, Riann. I believe in doing what’s best for them, and this is what I think is best for you. You can focus on your classes at the academy, maybe even graduate.”

“Graduate?” I stare in disbelief. “You want to drag this out for another two years? News flash, I don’t want to be a delta…” I wave a hand over myself for emphasis. “Who the fuck wants to be stuck between designations for years?”

“I understand, preciosa. I do,” she says calmly, still trying to comfort me the way an alpha should. I can tell she’s itching to come closer, but she doesn’t budge. “I’m just asking you to stop and think. Have a little patience. There’s no telling when we’ll get to study another delta?—”

“Fuck research! Fuck science!” I cry, throwing my hands up. “It’s my body, and I should be the one who gets to decide. I gave you so many samples today, let you run so many tests… Why can’t that be enough? Will it ever be enough?”

Stop! Just stop fucking talking!

The little rational voice inside me is drowned out by the angry beats of my heart.

I need Skylar to get away and stop looking at me with her with eyes full of pain and fucking pity. I need her to leave.

She doesn’t say anything, and she doesn’t move. She just stands there looking at me, a crease between her brows as she listens. Even though she’s a few feet away, it feels like she’s not completely here, like she’s not sure who she’s looking at.

I’m not even sure who she’s looking at as my emotions continue to spiral.

“If you don’t want to mark me, that’s fine,” I say, my eyes boring holes through her. “But at least say that and don’t give me some bullshit excuse about your job.”

“Fine.” Her jaw hardens, and she crosses her buff arms over her chest. “I don’t want to mark you. Is that what you want to hear, Riann?”

My heart lurches painfully at her words, but she doesn’t give me time to argue.

“I don’t want to rush into a bond recklessly. Dating? Yes. Marriage, even? Sure. But abond?” She emphasizes the wordbondwith a scowl. “What happens when you get tired of me and want to leave? What happens when you realize I can’t give you everything you thought and you want to sever that bond? It could kill us both.”

I’m all too aware of how dangerous breaking a mating bond can be; it’s one of the things drilled into us at the academy.

Bonds are forever.

Some people—the lucky few—survive breaking them, but it’s excruciating and can make you chronically ill. But there’s no way I would ever leave her or break our bond.

How can she not see that?

“I wouldn’t do that,” I say, desperation clawing up my throat. “You’re my match, Skylar. I don’t care if we’re not a scent match. What I feel, whatever this is, feels more right than anything else in my life ever has. I’m just being honest…”

A muscle in her jaw ticks. “And I’m just asking you to be reasonable.”

Her words hit me like gasoline on a fire, and the anger brewing in my chest explodes. Here I am, essentially professing my love for her and begging her to bite me, and she wants me to be reasonable. She wants me to wait for months, possibly years, before she’ll consider claiming me, giving me what I crave so desperately.

Every fantasy I’ve had of us shatters, crashing to the floor around me as the last shred of my omega essence evaporates. The raw alpha in me tears free.

I shouldn’t have to beg someone to want me.

I shouldn’t have to beg anyone at all.

“You know what? If you don't want to bite me, it doesn’t matter if I find another alpha, does it?” The silence that lands between us physically burns, but I keep going, giving in to the instincts that are threatening to tear me apart. “All I want is to be an omega, Skylar. If you can't give me that, I’ll find someone who can.”

As soon as I say the words, I nearly gag. The idea of anyone touching me, let alone claiming me, has my stomach churning. I don’t even know why I’m trying to explain it to her because she could never understand what it’s like to be in my shoes.

“I think you should go now,” I warn.

“What?” Her shoulders sag. “Riann, no, don’t be like that. Don’t be?—”

“Unreasonable?” I cock my head to the side. “I’m not. Obviously, we don’t want the same thing, so I think it’s best if you just go.”

Her hands fall to her sides as she stares at me, not budging. I can see the wheels turning behind her dark eyes, thinking, calculating.

“Are you sure about that?” she asks, her voice completely devoid of emotion. “You really want me to leave?”