Page 45 of Examining the Bond

“I'm kidding! I'm kidding.” She scoots a little closer, narrowing the space between us. “It was in our Pheromones and Film Making class. It was really good; Belladonna is a badass.”

I'm inclined to agree. That movie was the first thing that helped me come to terms with my designation. To see a badass female alpha on stage, kicking ass and taking names, sparked something in me. It made me believe I was more than the weird, unwanted female alpha the people around me tried to paint me as.

“Okay, pick one more,” I urge, showing off my sleeve. “We can save the rest for later.”

She makes a show of examining them all, taking her time, trailing her fingers along my skin as she looks. Goosebumps threaten to chase her touch, until she finally settles on a strand of DNA on my forearm. Heat prickles across my cheeks, knowing I walked right into that.

All this ink covering my body and, of course, she’d pick that one…

When her eyes pop up to meet mine, my stomach knots.

“What is it?” She laughs. “Is it embarrassing?"

“It’s a little cheesy,” I admit, shifting a fraction closer to her. “It's a strand of alpha DNA.”

Memories of my decision to get it almost a decade ago flit through my mind, and I stuff down the uncomfortable feelings that follow as best as I can.

“When I presented as an alpha, I’d never felt so alone.Raredoesn’t always mean good or coveted; other alphas weren’t exactly sympathetic. I hated what I was.” My eyelids flutter closed as a brief wave of resentment for my designation washes over me. “I’ve lived my whole life fighting against the world telling me I’m wrong because of something I can’t control. That’s why I got into genetics in the first place. To find out why I presented as an alpha when I could have been anything else.”

She stares up at me, her plush lips spread in disbelief, but I can’t stop the words from pouring out of me. It feels so fucking good to say them out loud, for someone to hear me and understand me so unmistakably.

“And this here,” I stroke my thumb softly over the twisted strands. “This is my way of reminding myself that I’m an alpha, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. It’s in my genes, and no one can ever diminish that.”

CHAPTER NINETEEN

RIANN

The weight of Skylar’s words hits me like a freight train. As much as I hate to know she’s struggled with her designation, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in hating mine—or my lack thereof.

She might not understand exactly what I’m going through, but I know she can empathize to a point. In another life, she might even wish she could trade places with me, to be able to choose a different fate.

A dull ache throbs through my chest at the thought of Skylar being anything other than the stunning, perfect alpha she is.

“You’re right,” I agree, reaching out to tentatively touch her arm. Electric shocks skitter up my fingers at the contact, and the air between us thickens. “You’re an alpha, no matter what anyone says, and…” I hesitate, steeling my confidence. “Yourrareness is part of your beauty. I think the fact that you’re a female alpha isamazing. You’re one in a million.”

Her eyes glimmer with something like relief, and her throat bobs with a swallow. “So are you. Only… you’re more like one in eight billion.”

I open my mouth to say something—what, I’m not sure—but Skylar leans forward before I can utter a single noise and catches my mouth with hers. This kiss is slow and calculated, much unlike the feral, hungry tongue tango in her office.

It’s intentional, careful,sweet.

When she pulls away again, I inhale shakily to catch my breath, my lips aching for more of her.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Her cheeks are tinged pink, but she hovers there, close enough that I can make out the gold flecks of her dark irises in the dim light. “You probably need space to figure things out, and here I am… complicating things.”

“No, it’s okay.” I shake my head, even though she’s probably right.

We should probably take things slow, keep our distance. Maybe figure out what’s going on with my designation before we cross any more lines, not that there are many left we haven’t crossed. We definitely shouldn’t keep risking her job by getting this close.

But I don’t care.

The incessant tug that keeps dragging me toward her won’t relent, and I know trying to stay away will only make me miserable. I can’t explain it, but whatever this insane attraction between us is, it feels toorightto ignore.

Like my screwed up genetics landed me here for a reason.

And that reason is Skylar.

But how can I possibly put that into words? How can I explain how I feel, when I don’t even understand it?