Page 71 of Sucker Punch Drunk Love
“He has to go to a school tolearnhow to scare people.”
“Josue, you're literally describingMonsters Incto her.”
“Okay, butAhhh Real Monstershad to fucking run so a movie like that could walk?—”
“Josue,language. I don’t want Mónica picking up all that Jersey.”
“I'm sorry, but really it takes away the scary when you see they're just like you.”
“We could stream it if you want,” Sierra offered, setting up the show, popping popcorn and adding cayenne pepper to it to give it a kick. I had had so many memories of these episodes stored into my mind’s eye, that it was almost cathartic to watch it in safety.
Most of my trauma I just bottled up and stashed someplace I would never need to use it again, something I thought I'd never have to address, because I thought kids would never be in my future toneedto.
But Sierra, even as a young mom, seeing her interact with her daughter made me realize I had just never interacted with a happy kid, especially this young. I assumed they were all fucking miserable, likeIwas growing up. Mónica seemed loved. Cared for. Happy. Shy, but to be expected around a stranger. No relationship created was an instant bond, but I was interested in getting to know her, if Sierra let me. But that would only happen if Sierra, like me, wanted more.
“Okay, baby, it's getting late. Mamá will read you a story, and then it's time for bed.”
“Okay.” She picked Mónica up, and the little cutie waved to me like she was already going to miss me.
“Good night, Josue.”
“Buena noches?*, Mónica.” I waved patiently, waiting for Sierra to return. Sierra nearly skipped to the couch, takingthings faster than I was prepared for, pouncing on me with ready lips.
“Wait, wait, wait. We're not going to talk first?” I smiled.
“Oh,” she collapsed to her side of the couch, embarrassed.
“I mean, not that I didn't miss you, but I ain't seen you in half a year. Thought we could catch up.”
“Okay?”
“You look…reallygood, and your kid's great. A little introverted, but I bet a year at a gym could open her up,” I suggested.
“I don't know if I'd like her fighting.”
“I take it that’s what you’ve decided for yourself too? It's okay if you outgrew it. You wanted your daughter, you got your daughter. Sure that’s the reason you never came back.”
“Is that the only reason why you came?”
“Of course not. I came to seeyou. I'm just wondering if it'll be thelasttime I'll see you.”
“I know I left at a bad time?—”
“Sierra. I don't care about that. As a trainer, I'm gonna lose fighters all the time. I just care that it took you six months to call me. I missed you, and I didn't even have a place to start looking.” Sierra readjusted in her seat, guilt spreading across her face.
“It took longer than I thought to get settled. By the time it felt like my life felt together, I assumed you didn't need me anymore. Or wouldn't want to talk to me, given how I left things.”
“I can get talent anywhere, honestly. None of them are as motivated or deserving, but fighters come and go. Even mi loba. What I really missed wasyou. Us. I know you want to focus on your daughter, and she's great. I get that. I just want to be in your life in any way you'll need or let me.”
“Truth is, Idomiss fighting. It's the only thing I've ever been good at. I've been approached back here, but it just wouldn'thave been the same if you weren't training me. But I'm sure you're not going to train me all the way from Jersey.”
“You don't knowwhatI’d do for you,” I admitted, pulling her in closer. “I can't stop thinking about you, Sierra. I want to be your man, but if that's too fast for you, I'd go as slow as you needed.”
“We were just casual before, though.”
“Mami, wasn't nothing casual about what we were doing,” I countered, finally pulling her onto my lap. “I wasinsideyou, mama.” I reached in to kiss her. “In your body, in your mind. Am I delusional for thinking I was also in your heart?”
“No, I just always respected your stance. Before you knew, after you knew. My daughter isn't going anywhere, so it seemed kinder to keep things where they were.”
