Page 58 of Sucker Punch Drunk Love

“Okay,” he agreed.

***

I didn’t spend a whole lot, mainly because of trauma, but it was surreal to check my bank account, that I had to constantly pinch myself at the numbers. Felt like if I blinked, I’d be in the red again, but it’d take a financial crisis to clear this kind of money out.

My first pit stop in Philly was Walmart, not the best place to shop, but the only one stop shop close to Sondra’s area. I could get toys and books. Winter jackets, and clothes to surprise Mónica with. She’d be four, and it wouldn’t be long before she’d be starting school, so I wanted this year to be extra special.

My childhood had been nothing but survival, and even though she was still at the age where my presence excited her more than gifts, I still wanted birthdays and holidays to be memories that lasted for her. She was brighter than anyone would’ve noticed in me, so I got her so many picture books, because I knew she picked up things fast, so one day she’d read them without my help. I liked reading her stories. Or maybe Ijust wish someone had loved me enough to read tome, that I got too much out of watching her reaction whenever something cool or surprising happened in the story. I could already tell she’d like reading before she even started school.

“Do you want me to read you another one?” I insisted, even as she kept trying to get me to kiss her Coco plush, a Bluey character she liked so much because she was all pink. I’d actually gotten her a bunch of stuffed animals, but she was at that age where she bonded most with that one.

When Mónica didn’t want another story, I followed my typical routine of doing her hair so she’d look nice for her birthday.

When my time here was coming to an end, I wanted to show Sondra all the winter clothes I got Mónica before the weather started getting cold. I even gave Sondra more money, despite it not nearly being enough compared to what she’s been doing for Mónica.

“Mamá, keep your money,” she initially refused.

“I know it doesn’t make up for her being here all this time, but I promise there’s more to come. Especially after next week, I’ve got a really big match coming up. Maybe even enough to have that talk about whether it’d be a good time to consider a different home for Mónica?”

“We'll see,” Sondra dismissed.

“What do you think, Mónica? Would you like if you came and lived with me?” I asked, as she smiled and nodded, but I did consider she might miss her grandmother. “You can still visit abuelita whenever she's open to visit?—”

“Sierra, don't get her hopes up. Just play everything by ear for now.” I asked to speak to Sondra in private, so it wouldn't look like we were arguing.

“Sondra, I'm serious. I don't know when, but I'll be coming on some bigger money soon, and I just want everyone to be prepared for it.”

“I believe you, mamá, but she's three. I don't want her to hear that and get disappointed if it falls through,” she defended.

“I know I could be doing more. I'm just focused on my next fight since I know that payday’s actually coming. I’m just planning ahead.”

“Well, do you even got a place lined up?”

“Not yet.”

“Well, are you gonna get it in New Jersey or in Philly?”

“I don't know yet.”

“Which is why, until you do, let's just focus on what we have control over,” she said, picking up a bag of pistachios to snack from.

“Are you eating pistachios?” I asked through squinted eyes.

“Yeah, Sierra. I’m starving,” she spoke through a mumble, chewing through the texture.

I shouldn’t have been worried, but it had me on edge. “I hope you don't let Mónica near those?—”

“Mamá, you remind me every time. She has a nut allergy, I know!”

“I just don’t want any mistakes to happen. Anything could trigger it. I don’t even kiss her if I’ve had anything that might.”

“Sierra, I’m careful. It’s just, maybe these kids today would be more tolerant of stuff if you actually let them eat it, rather than avoid it,” voicing her opinion.

“Well, I don't want to chance her health over what peoplethinkshe should have,” I defended.

“Either way, I always have her EpiPen on hand.”

“Yeah, but the point is to not need them. I'm trusting you with my baby's life. I'm not trying to be mean it in a rude way, but just please respect that.”