Page 13 of Duality

“Here you go.”

I jolted as Marcus placed a sandwich from my favorite shop down in front of me. Fuck, my head was really all over the place if two of them had snuck up on me today. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Adrian frown, but I ignored it. There was no way I was telling him what was wrong. He already knew too much or had guessed too much when I ran into him in the lobby last night.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I set my water down to pull it out.

L: Funerals are this weekend. Friday and Saturday. Everything’s covered. Talk more later.

I blew out a controlled breath as I read over Liam’s message. I placed my phone down and froze as I realized they were all staring at me.

“What?” My tone was harsher than I would have liked, but it slipped out before I could help it.

“Who was that?” Marcus asked, his voice sharp.

Alexander shot Marcus a warning look, clearing his throat. Marcus glared at his brother. “What? Like you don’t want to know, too? What happened yesterday?”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “I think what my older brother is trying to ask is, is everything okay? Are you okay?”

I wanted to say something witty to throw them off, but the words froze in my throat. Izzy’s words from yesterday rang in my head.It’s okay to lean on someone. Here, in this room, I wanted so desperately to tell them the truth. To let someone else shoulder some of the burden. Outside of my lieutenants, the men in this room were the few people I was close to, and I wanted so desperately to tell them.

But I couldn’t.

I had to protect the Archers and the people we saved. We needed the information we got from SDS, like the information on the new security systems, and I couldn’t take the risk that they would fire me. But I felt the need to protect these men, too. The work the Archers did wasn’t all that legal, and the brothers and Adrian had worked hard to build up SDS’s reputation. If it got out that they had a mole in their organization and, worse, that the mole worked for the Archers, it would ruin them. And I couldn’t do that to them.

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I was used to wearing the weight of the mask, never quite being able to shed either mask fully in either life, but it had never felt so crushing before.

For a second, I struggled to catch my breath. I had to answer them, especially since the silence had them growing more suspicious. I let out a shaky breath and folded my hands on my lap to hide the tremble of emotions.

“It was a personal emergency. It won’t affect my work.”

“Evie…” Sebastian’s voice lacked its usual cheer. “You know we care about you more than just as our assistant, right?”

Alexander and Marcus stared at me, but I couldn’t read their faces. Adrian turned to stone beside me, practically radiating discomfort. Sebastian had always been more than friendly, but he was like that to everyone. He was like a golden retriever puppy.

“Thanks, Sebastian.” I smiled at him gently. “But it’s fine.” His eyes widened, and I realized that I used his first name by accident. Fuck, I really was slipping today.

“If you need it, you can take some time off,” Alexander pushed. “You have a lot of PTO you haven’t used yet if the problem is…ongoing.”

Fuck, I was going to have to give them something. They clearly weren’t going to let this go, and even if their intentions were good and…sweet, I still didn’t need them digging any deeper into my life or the Archers by accident.

I took a deep breath. “It’s not ongoing. It’s…” I blew out a breath. “I lost a friend yesterday. He…died.”

Adrian stiffened next to me, and I looked up, then darted my eyes away quickly. There was too much understanding in his gaze, and I could feel the lump in my throat getting bigger the longer I held it.

“I’m sorry,” Marcus murmured. His green eyes were haunted, and I knew he must be remembering the ghosts of his military past.

Sebastian stayed quiet, no witty comeback on his lips. He gave me a sad smile as Alexander cleared his throat.

“We’re sorry about your friend,” Alexander said. “You can take as much time as you need.”

I shook my head. I appreciated the offer, but if the Archers were going to have any hope of going after Citadel, I needed to be here where I could access the SDS servers for any information that could help.

“I appreciate it, but the work keeps me busy, and busy is good right now. Besides…” I let a small smirk play on my lips. “You all wouldn’t survive without me.”

The guys chuckled, and my shoulders relaxed.

“You have no idea.” Sebastian winked at me, and I caught my breath at the flash of heat in his eyes.

I brushed it off as a trick of the light. The last thing I needed to add to the mess that was my life was falling for one of my bosses. Besides, Sebastian had been flirting with me for the last six years. He didn’t mean anything by it. I was letting Izzy’s words mess with my head.