Page 94 of Bless This Hot Mess

Japheth froze, “Strip?”

“Yes,” all four friends answered in unison, impatient to see the transformation.

“Carrington means to politely ask if you’ll modestly remove your garments please?” Suwarna clarified, and then murmured, “For legal reasons.”

Ronald started to chant, “Take! It! Off!” which Rebekkah immediately joined, clapping on the offbeat.

Japheth blushed so violently that a vein appeared on his forehead, “Okay! Okay, I’m doing it!” He peeled out of the topaz lamé blazer and unbuttoned his button-down shirt, looking everywhere except directly at his friends or the man-sized mirror that would betray his nervousness. He’d never actually undressed in front of anyone before. He stood there for a moment in his cowboy boots and acid wash jeans hesitantly, “Maybe I should dim the lights? Or… we can all close our eyes?”

“Oh sweetie, you forget that you were in a swaddled diaper and hung up on a cross in front of the whole parish last Easter for the passion play,” Rebekkah said. “Don’t get modest now, we’ve seen it all.”

“I haven’t yet,” Ronald complained, raising his hand.

“I’m going to keep my eyes open simply so there’s a witness to the proceedings. It’s important that someone from the station’s C Suite observes with a critical and watchful gaze,” Suwarna assured him.

Japheth unzipped, de-booted and crossed his arms over his chest and buried his fingers in his armpits, nervously. In his simple black briefs and the living room lights undimmed, there was nowhere to hide.

Carrington circled Japheth like a vulture assessing a fresh kill and squawked, “Posture! Chin up. Shoulders back. Lips slightly parted. Eyes half-mast. You’re about to meet a man who buttons his shirts with intention and knows where the pleats on his pants should be.”

Garment by garment, Carrington helped Japheth pour himself into the silhouette of a fresh new him. Once he’d wrestled himself into the mesh mock-neck, the effect was immediate.

“Oh,” Ronald and Rebekkah breathed and tripped over each other to compliment him, “Oh my goodness /Oh, yes! /He’ssmokin’/Look at you/ They’ve really done it/ Christ on a cracker/ YOU’RE HOT NOW!”

“Very hot indeed,” Suwarna agreed, adjusting her bun. “Alarming transformation. Well done Carrington.”

“One more little detail,” Carrington stood behind Japheth and clasped a small gold crucifix around his neck. They held up the silk embroidered blazer with a ceremonious flourish, “Feeling ready?”

Japheth swallowed, “I… think so?”

When the jacket slid onto his shoulders, the transformation clicked into place like scripture suddenly interpreted. He looked taller. Sharper. Magnetic. Like he could hold a microphone and a man’s heart at the same time.

Rebekkah squealed, “This is not just a date outfit. This is an outfit that could inspire a proposal. I’m going to need to buy a hat!”

“I do encourage you to,” Carrington smiled at her apologetically, “even if they don’t get engaged tonight.”

Ronald circled Japheth in awe, “A muskie man sees this swimming toward him? He’s done. Hooked. Mounted over the fireplace.”

Carrington stepped in close, gently adjusting Japheth’s collar. When they spoke, their voice softened, “You deserve to feel desirable. Not just like someone’s tawdry toy. But someone special’s ultimate temptation.”

Japheth blinked hard, suddenly emotional, “You think he’ll like it?”

Carrington smoothed the gold-threaded lapel, “Sweetheart. This is some of my best work. Rino Ferrari is going to need CPR.”

Japheth turned a full circle in the mirror and smiled at the guy peering back, “I… I look good.”

“You look,” Carrington corrected, “expensive. Like someone worth investing some serious time in.”

“Sexy,” Ronald added with a friendly wink.

“Employable in high fashion,” Suwarna approved.

“Like a heartbreaker,” Rebekkah grinned.

“I look like someone Rino Ferrari could fall for.”

The room stilled. Rebekkah placed both hands on his shoulders, “Honey, I think this just might tip him over the edge.”

“Now go,” Carrington said, shooing him toward the door like a stage mom pushing a starlet onto set. “Your man awaits.”