Page 75 of Bless This Hot Mess

“Black?” Ronald tried.

“A lovely olive?”Japheth offered.

“No, my friends,” Carrington said, smiling now as the memory moved through them. “Jesus was most certainlyrainbowhued, like a swarthy Rainbow Brite, and He was the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh, wow,” Rebekkah breathed out softly, like a whispered prayer.

“That’s incredible,” Japheth said. “I mean,of coursehe would berainbow hued.”

“That actually makes a lot of sense,” Ronald said, sitting back, satisfied.

“The important thing isn’t what colour Jesus was oris, or what colour Rino Ferrari is, oryouare, oryouare, oryouare,” Carrington continued, letting the thought land. “If you have a rainbow heart, then you’re on the right track.”

“Carrington, thanks for stopping by,” Rebekkah said, unexpectedly misty eyed. “You are so incredibly smart, and this has been really helpful.”

“I wasn’t stopping by. Ronald and I were about to… never mind, and then you two crashed it,” Carrington began, then glanced at Ronald and changed course with a graceful shrug. “But I should be going. I have the 1997 Brier Cup to rewatch on VHS and you three have an ark to build. Ronald, thank you for a very interesting first date. See you all at the station tomorrow?”

“Bye, Carrington! Thank you!” Rebekkah waved.

“Thanks for dinner!” Carrington called back, stepping carefully down the ladder. The gate creaked and then footsteps softened down the alley.

“What were you two up to?” Japheth asked, already knowing the answer and wanting it anyway.

“We played horse,” Ronald said, smug and sweet.

“Is that a pansexual thing?” Japheth wondered, fascinated.

“Nope. Just a basketball thing,” Ronald said, winking.

“Oh,” Rebekkah said slowly, still trying to figure out exactly what the date had entailed. “Guys, we had an incredible first few shows. And Japheth, whether Rino Ferrari is harmless…”

“Or if he’s still a threat,” Ronald added.

“Or a threat,” Rebekkah nodded. “We just don’t know. We live in a potentially dangerous world, and nobody said it would be easy for us. Christians used to get fed to lions, or hung out like upside-down laundry to drip dry, or burned at the stake, or…

“Lynched, tied to animals which are let to run, stoned...” Japheth piled on.

“Prison camps, firing squads–both by arrow and bullets, extrajudicial killings, drowning…” Rebecca continued.

“Starving, drowning, oh sorry, you just said that, beheading–by sword, axe or guillotine, forced labour camps or mob violence enabled by or ignored by authorities. Did we get ‘em all?” Japheth asked.

“There are so many saintly ways to die, we’re likely forgetting something. I’m sure it will come to me,” Rebekkah said, scratching her chin.

“It’s like there’s this big basketball game going on between Jesus and a bunch of devils,” Japheth said, brain knitting the metaphor.

“Well, that sounds kind of unfair,” Ronald said. “I mean one guy against a whole team?”

“Exactly!” Rebekkah said. “Right now, Jesus is fighting an unfair fight and we’re like his cheerleaders.”

“We need to get more players on our team,” Japheth championed. “Even the odds. That’s why if Trinity can keep getting more and more listeners… it’s like a… like a slam dunk for Jesus!”

“Or a three-pointer!” Ronald grinned.

“Exactly!” Rebekkah said, then winced. “It was silly of me to insist Jesus was White. I’m sorry, Ronald.”

“And just because He’s golden brown in my Sexy Jesus calendar doesn’t mean anything,” Japheth offered contritely.

“He was definitely Black in my dream,” Ronald said, “but I guess it doesn’t matter, right? Now that I know he’s rainbow-coloured He’s even a little cooler to me. A rainbow-coloured ghost? That’s dope.”