Page 61 of In the Same Boat

‘That’s not the end of the story,’ I interrupt him. ‘I was worried he might be on another date, like he’d booked them back to back – in which case, I knew that he wouldn’t tell me, so I needed to be sure…’

‘Okay…’

‘So I snuck around the back, and I saw that they had this kids’ play area, with this big wooden castle, and it was right by where they were sitting, so I thought, if I went in I could get close, hear what they were saying, realise I was probably being silly, it was just his sister or something, and then turn up “on time” in good faith. Except…’

Nico stares at me. He’s on the edge of his seat, waiting to see how this one plays out. I would say I was almost too scared to admit it, but I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone on the hook like this.

‘Except…’

‘Except I guess, you know, the castle was just for kids, it couldn’t take my weight, and my foot went right through one of the panels, leaving me with one leg dangling out of the bottom, over the seesaw. Someone had to come and help me out – needless to say, the date didn’t happen.’

I look at Nico, waiting for his reaction.

‘Right, yeah, okay, never tell that story to anyone on a date,’ he insists with a laugh. ‘I take back what I said. There’s humanising embarrassment, and then there’s that.’

Hence me keeping it to myself all this time. Ugh, I feel even more embarrassed now.

‘So, in some video games, there are branching narratives,’ he starts.

‘Speaking of things that put girls off…’ I joke, trying to offload some of the embarrassment, but it doesn’t work; he just laughs.

‘Listen – so you can have multiple endings. You make choices, see how the story changes – you go back and try again, see if things would have been different.’

‘Right…’

‘So, what I’m saying is, you could play that day again, a thousand times. In one playthrough you could leave the second you saw him with another girl. In another, you could confront him and find out it was his sister. In another, you could have married the man and only realised when it was too late that he’d cheated on you for your entire relationship…’

I furrow my brow as I wonder what he’s getting at.

‘So?’

‘So, whatever you did, whether you got yourself stuck in a climbing frame or not, there was what was true and what wasn’t,’ he continues. ‘He was a good guy or he wasn’t. And if getting stuck in a kids’ play area was enough to put him off, then he wasn’t a good guy. So don’t beat yourself up.’

Hmm. That’s interesting, because in the years that have passed since that happened, I have always felt certain that I put him off, that it could have been a great date, but I drove him away. I never stopped to think that maybe doing something a bit silly isn’t the end of the world, that he could have stayed, seen where things went…

‘Do you always look at life like it’s a video game?’ I ask.

‘Do you always look at life like it needs a risk assessment?’ he replies.

‘Occupational hazard,’ I say with a shrug. ‘What do you think your dating bad habit is?’

‘Maybe… that I can be too honest,’ he replies.

‘That’s what people say when they want to make a flaw sound noble…’

‘No, I mean I can be blunt,’ he clarifies. ‘Not everyone wants that. What about you?’

‘I overthink.’

He fakes a gasp, pretending he’s surprised.

‘I did gather that, from your story,’ he says. ‘Have you tried worrying less?’

It’s my turn to be sarcastic.

‘No, you know what, I’d never thought of that, and no one has ever said that to me before – thank you. Thank you so much!’

The starters arrive – tuna tartare for Nico, burrata with tomatoes for me. We pause our little experiment to tuck into our food. Mine is absurdly good – creamy, fresh and with a little sharpness from the olive oil and salt. Whatever they’re asking for this dish, it isn’t too much, it’s worth it.