Page 113 of In the Same Boat

‘You set me up again – will you ever learn?’ I ask her, although I can’t help but smile.

‘No,’ she says, rubbing my shoulder. ‘I’m your mother.’

Across the room, Hank lifts one hand in a cheerful little wave. Then he beckons us over.

I guess this is it, time to face the music, to have a heart to heart with Nico.

He looks at me as we walk over. He’s not smiling… although he’s notnotsmiling either. He looks concerned, but not like he’s going to tell me to piss off, which is a good start.

Hank heads towards us, leaving Nico in the booth.

Mum straightens up beside me. She suddenly looks nervous too.

‘He’s waiting for you,’ Hank tells me. ‘And you… let me buy you a drink.’

Mum beams. You can tell she’s missed him.

I head over to Nico and sit down next to him.

‘Hi,’ I say simply.

‘Hi,’ he replies. ‘They got you too, eh? I should have known there would be trouble, when I realised I was at something called Flirty Thirty…’

‘Yeah, Mum told me this was just a drink,’ I reply.

‘Dad too,’ he says. ‘Glad to see everyone has learned their lesson.’

I laugh. It feels nice to be normal with him – strange as this is.

For a moment, neither of us says anything.

A week ago, things were so different. We could lie in bed together, in silence, with the awkwardness gone. It was almost fun – charged with heat and tension. This is just awkward again.

‘I really didn’t know you’d be here,’ he says first. ‘It is nice to see you though.’

‘You too,’ I tell him – it really is.

Another pause. Then…

‘I’m sorry,’ he says then.

‘You’re sorry?’ I reply. ‘You have nothing to be sorry for.I’msorry.’

‘I should have been more open and honest with you,’ he tells me. ‘I should have said more…’

‘I should have said less,’ I reply. ‘I think, after we slept together, I panicked – because I liked you so much, and then your dad said all this stuff about how you needed somewhere to live, and you didn’t have a proper job, and you didn’t settle down with anyone…’

He laughs.

‘In the interest of my saying more,’ he says, before clearing his throat. ‘I have a house – it’s Dad who lives with me, not me who lives with him. I don’t know why he makes my job sound like I work in a game shop, but I don’t, I make video games –War Zombiesis my baby. And finally, it’s true, I have struggled to settle down with people, but not because I don’t want to, because I’m scared to. I know my dad will have wanted to make me seem cool, acting like I’m this stud about town, but I find it hard to let people in, because I worry about losing them. There – I said it.’

‘I totally understand that,’ I reply. ‘I think, for me, when I thought it wasn’t anything serious, I panicked, because I wanted it to be, and I felt so silly for letting myself get carried away, but I’m like you, I’m scared to go all in on the wrong person, because life feels so short, so I prefer certainty, and safe bets, and when I don’t get them…’

‘You self-destruct?’ he checks.

I nod.

‘Yes, but not in like a fun way,’ I reply. ‘I just ruin my own day, potentially my own life, and stick with what I know. Work, nights in with Mum, the occasional date to prove to myself that it’s not what I want. But with you it felt different.’