Page 144 of In Violent Waves

“We are still under a truce until tomorrow, and I would like to keep it that way.”

Wilder slammed the glass down. “We are going to talk about this.”

She shoved her plate away and crossed her arms, but didn’t move from the table. “You are ruining this.”

He met her glare head-on without flinching.

“Why did you even agree to use it if you never planned on it?”

Lyra ground her teeth. “I do plan on using it. I’m just not ready yet.”

“I find that hard to believe. You haven’t even tried.”

She couldn’t do this.

Couldn’t stomach telling him that she was afraid of being a failure, afraid that she would let everyone down—let him down.

Lyra stood and turned to flee the dining room, but Wilder was upon her, wrapping a hand around her wrist.

“Tell me you’re going to break the bargain and that you will stay here—with me.”

“I will say no such thing.” She pulled against his grip, and he let go. When she didn’t move farther away, he cupped her cheek.

“You will die if you don’t break the bargain. And I—can’t let that happen.”

He had said it. Said what was so glaringly obvious between the two of them and what she had been struggling to keep at bay. And it terrified her to hear it.

Scared her more than losing herself to magic or failing and dying. She couldn’t bear the thought of letting him down.

Lyra’s fear hardened her heart.

“I don’t want to stay here with you. I don’t belong here or with you.”

Wilder reeled back as if the words had struck him.

“You do not want me. I am not good.” The words tasted bitter in her mouth. “No one has ever loved me because I am hard to love. I am impossible to be around most days. There is something wrong with me—so save your time and your energy.”

“That is not true,” he argued.

“It is. It is true. I don’t belong here. I can’t stay.”

And there was the truth of it.

She still did not believe she was worthy of their kindness or their loyalty.

They rode the entire way home in silence. Lyra regretted what she had said to him, but she had been petrified of the longing in his eyes and the magic that had coiled within her.

She couldn’t feel that magic anymore though; it was as if her magic had vanished.

And it was for the best that he knew now who she was, so he could save himself from her.

She couldn’t stop watching him as she pretended to read. It hurt to look at him, but it hurt even more to look away and miss a single fleeting moment.

There were already so few left.

Lyra had made up her mind. She must return to the water.

When she returned to the castle, she would work day and night to understand her magic so that she could break the tithe and return home.