Page 60 of Just One Spark

I wrapped my arm around her."If he gives you a hard time, I'll have your back."

"I'm not sure what you could really do since you're breaking up with Rowan soon.But I appreciate the offer."

I hated that she was right.This thing between us had a shelf life, and it was coming to an end.As soon as the brewery opened, the publicity surrounding it would dwindle, and there'd be no need for us to pretend any longer.

But what about the fact that our relationship felt real?Every night we spent together, I fell harder for him.When he dug out my truck or stopped by to help with the hot-cocoa service, he ingrained himself more deeply into my life.

But I was strong.I'd survived more than other people.I could do this.

I neededto see my mother.She didn't make anything easy.But I needed to do these welfare checks every once in a while.It alleviated the guilt that built inside me.No matter how many times I spoke with my therapist, I couldn't cut my mother completely out of my life.

That was a line too far for me.I just couldn't do it.And I hadn't seen her since I moved in with Rowan.

Rowan had been asleep when I came home last night, and I hadn't wanted to wake him.He'd been working so hard, and he needed his rest for the opening.When I woke up this morning, he was already gone.

He'd been working long hours at the brewery, preparing for the opening and every possible scenario.He was obsessed with ensuring that there wouldn't be any bad reviews.

He couldn't control everything, but that didn't seem to slow him down.He was convinced that one bad experience could make or break the brewery.This was his dream, and he didn't want to overlook anything.

I drove to my mother's house, dread filling my stomach as I got closer.The memories of how I felt every time Dad didn't come home flashed through my mind.The worry about whether he was passed out somewhere, or a police officer would have to bring him home.And then my last memory of him, Mom calling to say he’d committed suicide.

Everyone said he thought we'd be better off without him.I couldn't get over how losing my dad was supposed to be a good thing.Especially when he left me with a mother who was overwhelmed with guilt and grief.I resented him for a while, and then I was angry at Mom for never cutting him out of our lives.

At the same time, I couldn't blame her.Being the wife of an addict wasn't easy.It was never-ending and exhausting.You wanted to help the person, but it was impossible.

All the old emotions rose to the surface as I parked on the curb.We'd lived in this small house all my life.It held so many memories.So much worry and stress.I felt the tension creep into my body as I knocked on the door.

I waited for the sound of her footsteps and then the turn of the lock.Mom wore a threadbare robe over her night gown.

She hadn't bothered to get showered or dressed for the day.This was why I didn't want Rowan coming here.

"Hattie.What are you doing here?"She moved away from the door, looking way too thin.

"I just wanted to check in."

Mom sat on the recliner in the living room, which had been Dad's when he was alive.The TV played on a low volume, and there were numerous glasses on the coffee table that had left rings on the wood."I'm surprised you have time now that you're engaged to that Hart brother.Which one is it again?"

I sat on the edge of the couch."Rowan."

"Isn't he the one you used to be friends with when you were kids?"

"That's the one."I looked around the room where the pictures of us together as a family of three still hung.These were the before pictures.

"Whatever happened with that?"she asked, as if she were genuinely interested.

I snorted."I think Dad is what happened."

Mom flinched at the mention of his name.She usually avoided saying it, but I refused to do that.His impact on our lives was real and painful.I wasn't going to hide it from her.She was the one person who knew what it was like to live that experience."You can't blame him for everything that went bad in your life."

"I don't blame him for things that went wrong in my life.But I'm not exactly shouting his praises either.He didn't make life easy."

Mom nodded."He sure didn't."

"I don't trust easily, and I wonder if Dad is the reason why."

Mom frowned."I can't imagine that's good for a relationship.When are you planning on tying the knot?"Mom asked.

"We haven't decided."