Page 42 of Don't Cross Mo Ellery

“Um,wow.”

He frowns harder, studying me too close. “No, I mean—Cran said you were a model and I just thought models were... taller.”

“Right, no, I was his other girlfriend. Hissecretgirlfriend. That he wasashamedof.” Nope, too far. I try to laugh casually. “And how did you know him?”

“He was my brother,” Tond says.

“YES!” I say, before I catch myself and quickly follow up by leaning in and touching his cheek tenderly as though I’m overcome. “Yes, I can see the resemblance, how remarkable.”

They look nothing alike.

I may have overplayed my hand.

“Sogreat to finally meet you,Tond. And sorry about your brother.” I shake my head sadly. “Who was also my secret boyfriend.”

“I... didn’t know about you,” Tond says awkwardly.

“It was new,” I say, and then quickly add, “but meaningful.”

“Meaningful?” Tond says, his voice bitter. “That’s a first.”

Interesting. Some bad blood between siblings?

“You know how it is.” I sigh, trying to get misty-eyed as I rack my brains for the remnants of high school Latin. What was that thing about love conquering all? “Semper fi, as they say.”

“Are you in the marines?” he asks, taking a dainty bite of sandwich.

Oh nuts. Nope, that’s a bumper sticker I saw last week.

I need to get this back on track. “So,anyway, the last thing Cran said to me was that if anything happened to him, he wanted you to have the poodles. I’m sure they’ll bring you a lot of comfort,” I say, holding out the leashes.

Tond is now straight-up bewildered. And not as grateful as I would have thought. “He wanted me to have his poodles?”

“They’ve been very sweet and no trouble at all,” I lie. I force the leashes into his non-sandwich hand.

“Oh, that’s okay,” Tond says uncomfortably, like they’re dirty underwear or something. “You’re the meaningful secret girlfriend, you can take them.” He stuffs the leashes back inmyhand.

“I insist—” I say, trying to hot potato the leashes back to him.

“It’s fine—” he says, pushing them back at me.

We both let go and the leashes drop down to the plush red carpet between us.

Stalemate it is.

I could run. If I run, Tond will have to take the dogs.

Unless, of course, the dogs think we’re playing a game and they chase me out of the funeral home and back into the car, in which case I’ve just made it all worse.

No, I need to stand firm. I need to DWHWD (Do What Hannah Would Do), which is to say: This is a moment for UPGRADE. I need the A for Act Confident. Because whether I walk or run or crawl out of here, I amnotdoing it with these dogs.

I can’t wait to tell Han about this application of UPGRADE.

Or some of it, anyway. The part that doesn’t make me sound like a maniac. Does any part of this funeral tableau not make me sound like a maniac?

Eh. I can retcon it later.

“Tond, I’m gonna level with you. These dogs need a stable home. The kind of home you can provide. They shouldn’t be with me. Look at me. I’m a secret girlfriend that Cran wouldn’t tell his ownbrotherabout. The cops want toarrest mefor having these dogs.”