Page 74 of Wear It Like a Crown

“It made sense at the time? Like, a reason why we couldn’t work, without having to tell him… everything.”

“So now he thinks you’re just like everyone else who uses him for his name? But that’s awful.” Nate gave a little tug on Leo’s hair. His thumb pressed into the back of his neck, a grounding kind of pressure. Leo lifted his head and felt Nate’s words like a punch to his gut.That’s awful.

Yeah. It was. Itwas. So why had Leo walked out without even trying to correct it? Jesus fucking Christ, he was anidiot.

He sat up. “I need to talk to him. Joshua. I really need to talk to him, but I don’t think—Fuck, he’d probably close the door in my face.”

Serves you right.

Nate didn’t say that, though. Instead, he dropped his hand to Leo’s elbow, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Well, maybe. But I know you, so I think you could make him listen. If you really wanted to.”

“I’m not even sure what I’m ready to tell him.” The pressure behind Leo’s forehead was like a physical being, weighing down his every thought. It got marginally more bearable when he closed his eyes. Jesus, he was sixty shades of pathetic. “I’m pathetic.”

Three beats of silence, then Nate punched him. There was no force behind it, his fist barely even making contact with Leo’s shoulder, but it was enough to make his eyes snap open. “Careful,” Nate told him, frowning. “That’s my best mate you’re talking about.”

Unplanned, Leo felt his mouth twist into what had to be his first genuine smile for the day. “Your best mate’s a bit of an idiot,” he said quietly.

“Sometimes, yeah.” Nate smiled back. “But since Joshua isn’t actually in London today, my idiot best mate’s got until tomorrow to figure out what to say.”

“How do you know that?” Pausing for just a beat, Leo answered his own question. “Oh, wait. Mo told you?”

“Yeah. Talked to him a bit earlier, and he invited me to the England match tomorrow. He also, um.” Nate’s smile dropped, his hesitation palpable. “He, like, specifically asked me not to bring you. Seemed like he expected me to get it, so I acted like I did.”

Leo’s stomach relocated to some lower level.

“I told him I’d need to check with you first,” Nate added quickly. “Your plans and stuff. It’s our usual pub night, after all. But I thought… If you need to talk to Joshua, but he’s maybe not so keen to listen? That’s probably your best shot, if you just come with me. Always easier when there’s a bit of a buffer, right?”

Slinging an impulsive arm around Nate’s waist, Leo tiltedsideways to rest his head on Nate’s shoulder. His voice came out rough. “It’s not going to be easy, no. Not when the buffer is Tristan and Mo.”

Nate hummed and took his time replying. “Well, maybe it isn’t meant to be easy. You know?”

Yeah, maybe it wasn’t.

“You’d do that?” Leo asked. “Bring me along, even though Mo asked you not to?”

“He’d do the same for Joshua.” While the statement was firm, Nate’s muscles tensed up enough to be noticeable, and he shifted his position against the wall. “So he’ll just have to understand. If he doesn’t… It’s not much use then, is it? You’re part of my life.”

Leo’s body felt small and heavy. “But you want him to be part of your life, too.”

“Yeah.” Nate exhaled slowly, steadily. “Means I need you and him to be compatible.”

“You really are my best friend, you know that?” It came out wistful, and Leo tightened his hold on Nate. The late afternoon was quiet around them, broken only by the low-level rumble of traffic and, distantly, the purr of a helicopter that buzzed in Leo’s stomach. “One day, in the none-too-distant future, you and I will get spectacularly drunk together. And then we’ll talk about how we ended up here.”

“I’m ready when you are,” Nate said, his tone not quite as decisive as he’d likely intended.

“Working on it,” Leo told him.

Nate’s response consisted of a quick smile which Leo returned. For all that his body was still heavier than it should be, the memory of Joshua’s cool voice like a fresh wound, he did feel better than he had all day. He’d need to tell James that they were off the case and then he’d go home, take a nap to catch up on sleep, maybe meet up with Nate to watch one of the matches that were on tonight.

And then, tomorrow, he’d figure out what he’d tell Joshua—if Joshua could even be bothered to listen. If he was willing to give Leo yet another chance, when he had already used up more than his fair share.

NINE

After a full day of being surrounded by people, Joshua’s flat felt disconcertingly quiet.

He dropped his bag just inside the door and moved on to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water that he chugged in one go, stomach churning around it. The dirty plates and glasses from yesterday’s breakfast with Tristan and Mo were still sitting in the sink, along with two delicate teacups—the ones with the blue flower pattern that Joshua hardly ever used. His gaze skipped over them, returned only to skip away again, like a flattened stone bouncing off water. Eventually, he picked them up for a clean, then dried them off before putting them back into the cupboard. Out of sight.

The flat was still too quiet. He stopped by the living room to switch on the telly without even checking the programme, then turned towards his bedroom. The others would be over in a few hours, just before kick-off. There was plenty of time to squeeze in a nap.