Page 53 of Wear It Like a Crown

“Youwould,” Joshua said softly. They were so very close, a scant few inches separating them. It felt as though the morning was holding its breath, all noises falling away, a fragile standstill.

Gently, Leo shook his head. Breaking the connection, he ducked over the cup of tea, blowing across the surface. Steam briefly obscured his face. “I wouldn’t. Not anymore. If you’ve changed your mind, if it isn’t what you want anymore, if you think it isn’tgoodfor you…” He trailed off, chewing on his bottom lip, looking down so that his lashes hid his eyes.

Joshua’s blood thrummed with distant need, the images in his head shadowed like out-of-focus photographs. He exhaled, some of the haze melting away. “I don’t want to back out.”

Leo glanced up. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.” It came out surprisingly confident, and once Joshua had put it out there, he realised just how much he meant it. There was a chance he’d come to regret his decision, but if he didn’t do this now, there was no doubt that he’d never forgive himself. “I’msure,” he repeated.

Leo’s smile started in his eyes and grew, brightened, until it took over his face. Joshua swallowed and smiled back, everything slow and radiant. He felt as though he was standing on the edge of a cliff, ready to fall.

If he kissed Leo now, now,now?—

Leo straightened up and moved back by a few inches, enough to bring one hand up and rub his thumb over the black “L” inked into Joshua’s left shoulder. “For your mother?” he guessed. “And the “E” on the other side is for your sister?”

Joshua nodded and didn’t dare move. After a stretch of time that might have covered a couple of seconds or the better part of a century, Leo retracted his hand. He shuffled further back, out from under the afghan, and crossed his legs, but his entire body was still turned towards Joshua. “Do you think,” Leo began, voice thinner than normal, “that it would be easier if you didn’t have to do the interview by yourself?”

Was there a tinge of red to Leo’s cheeks? Joshua couldn’t tell. He caught his breath. “What do you mean?”

“Your mum and sister.” Leo raised the cup to his lips, but didn’t drink. “You told me they’re supportive, and you obviously trust them. What if they did the interview with you? Present a united front to the public. Do you think that would make it easier?”

It took Joshua several moments to work through Leo’s words, like puzzling together the pieces of a dream, like waking up and becoming aware of his surroundings—the morning breeze cooling his skin, a car passing by on the road below, the bitter scent of Leo’s tea. The tight knot of disappointment in Joshua’s stomach.

Pulling the afghan tighter around his body, Joshua nodded. He couldn’t quite bring himself to meet Leo’s eyes.

For all that Leo had been blatantly disrespectful when he’d first met Joshua, he was the very epitome of correctness with Louise and Emma. He inclined his head in a flawless execution of protocol, was polite without being deferential, charming and funny, professional. Joshua was slightly relieved and very impressed.

When he caught Leo’s gaze, Leo winked at him, a hint of a smirk curving his lips. A moment later, he answered Louise’s question about how he’d ended up with James Boyle with an entertaining tale about a chance meeting in a bar, Leo’s ability to weasel free snacks out of the bartender the reason he’d landed his job. It was possibly the truth, but more likely just a fraction of it.

They settled down to discuss the questions and what their responses would need to cover. The first run-through was shaky—although better than any of Joshua’s solo attempts—whereas the second one was decent already. The third one, though…

It was good. Really good. Joshua’s smiles came naturally, and his words felt easy and smooth, his confidence bolstered by his mother to his left and his sister to his right. Emma jumped in to address how she was now solely responsible for continuing the family line, and she did so with verve and humour. After Louise had fielded the question about how Joshua’s sexuality might impact foreign relations—“Have people truly forgotten that Germany had an openly gay foreign minister, and the country hasn’t fared worse for it?”—Tristan bounced to his feet for a spontaneous round of applause.

Again, Joshua caught Leo’s gaze. Leo was beaming at him, happy and open, and Joshua felt his own grin fade, melting into something much too soft and private.

Leo blinked, turned away and went to join Nate to review the video they’d recorded. It took Joshua several moments to move. Draping himself over Tristan’s back, he demanded a piggyback ride that resulted in both of them toppling to the floor while Mo laughed and Emma declared them idiots, Louise watching with a gentle smile.

“Don’t break him,” Leo told Tristan. “I might have some use for him yet.”

“Really?” Joshua asked, tipping his head up to watch Leo from where he was sprawled on the floor. “What kind of use?”

Leo snorted and didn’t reply. Joshua was certain that this time he wasn’t imagining the flush to Leo’s cheeks.

He also wasn’t imagining the way Leo kept a careful amount of distance between them for a while. He didn’t relax until Louise and Emma had left and the five of them were spread out on the floor of Joshua’s living room, shouting their way through a FIFA tournament. Leo’s shoulder was pressed against Joshua’s arm, and Joshua had never met anyone who confused him more. He’d never met anyone who fascinated him more, either.

* * *

If circumstances had been different, Leo would have scoffed at the opulence of Buckingham Palace. He’d have passive-aggressively praised the heavy, gleaming fabrics, the sparkling chandeliers and polished gold frames of enormous mirrors, might have considered trying to smuggle an ornate candle holder out, just for the hell of it. He could have pawned it off for a hefty sum too, money that would come in handy if he ever had to bail a kid out of jail.

As it was, he was too focused on the omnipresence of cameras, the heat of the spotlights. James was talking to David Dimbleby, both of them seeming perfectly at ease, but Leo had seen how the bloke had gone completely still when he’d taken his first look at the questions he was supposed to ask. Finally, Dimbleby clapped James on the shoulder with a jovial expression, then went to take his seat in an armchair that had been moved to face one of the brocade sofas, waiting for the Queen and her children to appear.

Slipping into the space Dimbleby had just vacated, Leo lowered his voice so that only James would hear him. “Did you tell him to stick to the damn questions?”

“He will.” James’ tone was warm and confident. “Relax. We can always do a second take. Or a third. And we’ll approve the final cut before it airs tonight.”

“I know.” Leo did know, was the thing. But he wanted the first one to go off smoothly, without a hitch, so that Joshua wouldn’t have to go through it twice, wouldn’t start doubting himself the way he’d doneafter their first practice runs. Leo had hated seeing Joshua so small and uncertain, and if it happened again today… Please, no. It didn’t help that neither Mo nor Tristan had been able to make it. Nate had ducked out as well, tending to avoid gatherings of too many unfamiliar faces.

Just Leo, then.