Page 27 of Wear It Like a Crown

“Shut up,” Joshua muttered.

“So sorry, really not my area of expertise. Shutting up, that is.”

“You’re not sorry at all.”

“No. I’m not.” Leo felt his amusement fade and make room for something sweeter, almost wistful. “I’m really not. Got you to listen to me, didn’t I?”

“Yeah. You did.”

The silence that trailed Joshua’s admission wasn’t awkward, but it still felt heavy, clasping a tight band around Leo’s chest. So he’d be spending more time with Joshua. Much more time. He didn’t think he was in any way ready to face the memories it would drag up, but at the same time, he couldn’t imagine letting anyone else handle this. Hewantedto be in on it, have Joshua call him up late at night to share ideas and ask for advice; hewantedthis odd push-and-pull between them, the challenge it held.

He hadn’t felt this alive in years. Which was really fucking scary.

Shoving the thought away, Leo leaned back against the fridge and felt its vibration hum in his bones, thrum in his stomach. A cool breeze shivered down his arms. “So,” he began. “Do you already have an idea of how you want to do this? Youcouldease into it by first announcing that you’re bi. That seems to have worked well for a number of celebrities.”

“I’d be lying, though.” It was hard to read Joshua’s tone, his low, deep voice not giving much of a clue how to interpret the statement, so Leo waited. After several seconds, Joshua went on with more confidence. “I don’t want to lie. That’s my condition. Whatever the plan, I don’t want to tell lies.”

“A little white lie here and there might make things easier,” Leo said carefully.

“Still.” Joshua exhaled. “It’s a no.”

No lies. It seemed like such an outdated concept, the kind of honourable behaviour more commonly found in tales of old. Leo had grown so accustomed to selling lies for breakfast he didn’t even stop to think about it anymore.

He would have, back then. Younger and less jaded, the lies hadn’t come so easily.

“No lies,” Leo agreed.

If Joshua had noticed the delay in response, he didn’t point it out. “Thank you,” he said instead, gentle and sincere. “I’ll let you catch some sleep now, okay? Sorry for calling so late.”

“Anytime,” Leo told him. “Thankyoufor trusting me with this.” It came out too intense, and he quickly shaped his tone into something much lighter. “Promise I won’t stop being a thorn in your side.”

“I’d expect no less.” Joshua’s words were laced with gentle humour, and Leo needed to end this conversation before he said something stupid. Something like,I used to have the most embarrassing crush on you.

“Sleep well, little prince,” he managed, bordering on affectionate, and yes, he did need to end this conversation right the fuck now. “I’ll call you tomorrow with some options on how to do this thing, all right?”

“All right,” Joshua echoed. He sounded cautiously excited, a little disbelieving.

“Hey.” Leo softened his voice. “I mean it, you know? I think this is bloody fantastic. And I’m proud to be part of it, however small.”

Joshua was silent for the time it took Leo to stumble back into the bedroom. Then he inhaled sharply. “Thank you, again. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Good night,” Leo said. He listened to Joshua wish him the same, then a click and the dial tone, abruptly real after the previous minutes that had felt like something out of a lucid dream. Just to make sure, Leo pinched the skin at the crease of his elbow.

Okay. So this was happening.

He crawled into bed with his heart beating in his fingertips, restless energy itching under his skin. The clock had long since struck midnight by the time he finally fell asleep.

.

FOUR

Joshua woke to a phantom hangover.

Disregarding that he’d had but one glass of wine with last night’s dinner, his head throbbed in time with his heart. He’d slept fitfully, jerking upright from dreams where he’d been shot and it had sounded like tolling bells and barking hounds, like a hunting call.

He didn’t have to do this. No one was forcing him to come out. Right now, it was a theoretical exercise. If he called Leo this very instant and told him to drop it, he’d never have to deal with the reality of it, would never even have to consider the possible scenarios. Sure, he’d seem a coward, and his mum and Emma would be disappointed. Tristan and Mo, on the other hand, would respond with the same, “Whatever feels right to you, bro,” that had been their reaction to Joshua telling them he was maybe, quite probably, going to come out.

But it wasn’t about others, was it?