Page 94 of Wallflower

He’s wary. “Uhh. You first,” he counters, sitting down on the corner of the mattress opposite of me.

“Well, I just told you a shit ton, but…” I push my trepidation aside. If I’m going to spend the rest of my days with this man, he may as well know the real me. “The first person I ever poisoned was my childhood bully.”

That clears his eyes a little more. His brows furrow slightly, the things I’ve divulged all lining up in a neat little row for him to witness. “Wait…” I nibble at the skin of my lower lip, gnawing until the essence of copper sweeps across my tongue. “So your little fantasy of offing step-mommy isn’t all that far out of reach?”

Slowly, I shake my head. “Nope, it’s not.”

“Why haven’t you done it? Worried you’ll get caught?”

“Maybe partially. Mostly, I didn’t want to make my father miserable. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose one wife, never mind two.” Blips of the funeral light up my neocortex, but because my hippocampus was still developing, I don’t have many memories of my mother. Her soft laugh and warm hugs are what linger now, her face faded over time as Michelle has erased her presence from the house. I know she looked like Chelsea though, and maybe that’s why I cling to her so dearly.She’s all I have left of my mother, entwined with the sister who I already cherish.

Shit, I need to figure out how to ask about her. How to bribe Ripley to save her too. Now’s clearly not the time for that since he just had a small spiral of his own, but I need to work it in somewhere before I run out of time.

“Rose?”

“Hmm?” I murmur, lost in the well of my own dangerous thoughts.

“How many people have you poisoned?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I’ve never kept track.”

“Try. Right now. Count them out.”

“Uhhh… why?”

“Morbid curiosity.” Ripley’s eyes shine with intrigue and excitement. I can’t help but wonder what the fuck I’ve got myself into where he’s concerned. This conversation is all about me. Aside from his love of dinosaurs, funny underwear, and fucking, I know next to nothing about him.

He watches me with bated breath as I raise a finger for every one I remember. When I pass ten, I put them down and start again. Rip’s eyes widen to a comical size but I can’t let it distract me.

When I think I’ve tallied them all, not forgetting a single one, I lift my eyes to his. He leans closer, and I mirror his movements slightly. I don’t want to chase him away.

“How many?” he rasps.

“Twenty-seven.”

It’s far too early to be awake, but I wanted to be on the first plane off the island. The sooner I make this meeting with Jay about infiltrating the weapons market, the quicker I can find Kyle and fake murder his ass. He flew out two days ago, settling himself into a swanky hotel in the heart of the city I’m destined for, while I shacked up with Rose at Bleakcrest until it was time to leave for the airport.

My presence there is becoming less marked. Yesterday, I was able to come and go twice with nothing more than a head tilt from the guards. Soon, I hope to be able to move like an unnoticed shadow through the halls.

I check my phone one last time before I’ll need to shut it off. Scrolling through the most recent credit card charges, I’mglad to see Kyle has absolutely no issue with thoroughly enjoying himself on my dime.

If it all pans out in the end, I don’t care what it costs me.

The line moves ahead as people slowly make their way onto the airplane after the gate attendant confirms their ticket.

I tap on the photo album, the most recent picture popping up. Rose sits astride my cock with my hand on her throat, eyes rolled back in her skull like a demon drunk on pleasure. She’d probably scratch my eyes out if she knew I took this picture last night, or the other sixteen I have from the past twenty-four hours.

I know this trip will provide me distance and clarity, but what happens if I lose myself again? She won’t be a quick drive across the island, and the ocean’s calming embrace will be miles away. How will I recalibrate myself, stop the spiral of suffocating trauma?

That’s why I took the pictures…and the short video. To reel myself back in if there’s an issue.

Not because the thought of going without seeing her face or hearing her laugh, her moan, that sharp tongue, for days on end makes me want to cancel my flight and crawl back into bed with her.

Fuck.

I’m completely hooped.

What the hell is happening to me?