Page 28 of People Change

Back in the living room, it is only Henry, Millie, Jasper and Kian left. Shirin is not sure how long she has been in the bathroom for, but the party is decidedly drawing to a close. She cannot see Salma. Then she looks back at Kian, who is looking at her too, and rather than look away, he continues to gaze at her. She makes her way to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water, and Millie laughs when Shirin stumbles.

She fills a glass with water, and the tap water runs between the glass and her hand. It is soothing against her skin. She closes her eyes and leans her body against the countertop. In the near distance, she hears Kian asking if she’s okay.

‘I’m fine,’ she says, the tap still running, the drink overflowing.

Kian reaches across to turn it off, and it’s the closest she’s been to him. She lets herself lean into him, be supported by him. In the process she inhales his scent too. It’s more than pleasant.

‘Do you wanna get some fresh air?’ he asks.

‘Okay,’ she slurs.

He places his hand lightly on her waist and guides her out of the room, through the sliding doors and out into the garden. He pulls up a chair, which she sits on. The plastic is cool against her legs. He has brought the glass with him and lifts it to her lips for her to drink. Shirin wants to make a joke that she’s not an invalid, but as she struggles to sit up straight, she concedes that she probably does need some assistance.

After she takes a sip, he pulls a chair to sit opposite her, clutching the glass in his hands. ‘Just focus on breathing,’ he says.

‘This is embarrassing. I didn’t even drink that much.’

‘It’s probably because you haven’t drunk for a while. It happens to the best of us – don’t worry.’ He strokes her back briefly and it is calming. It is exactly what she needs and when he stops, she wants to tell him to continue.

‘Where did Salma go?’ she asks.

‘Home,’ he says.

‘Why didn’t you go with her?’

Her vision is hazy, but she can hear Kian chuckle. ‘Because I wanted to stay.’

‘The party is pretty much over now, anyways.’

He puts the glass of water down on the floor and leans forward, his hands on his knees. ‘Well, we’re still here.’

‘I have a lot of regret, you know,’ she says, words coming out thick and fast. ‘The past ten years I’ve thought about you a lot. I even wrote you a message a few years ago, to say I miss you and I’m sorry, but I never sent it. I was too scared you’d tell me to fuck off – or, worse, that you’d say nothing.’

‘Shirin,’ Kian says softly. ‘You don’t have to—’

‘But I want to,’ she interrupts. ‘You said I was special to you. Did you mean it?’

He breathes out deeply. ‘You’re drunk. Let’s not talk about this, not now.’

‘I want to though.’ She sits straighter and leans forward. ‘It feels important.’

‘Important how?’ he says, his eyes dark, though the sides of his mouth are perked up. He has such a defined Cupid bow and Shirin finds herself staring at it now, until she realises he’s asked her a question.

She shrugs, intending the movement to be casual, but she overdoes it. ‘I just want you to know, you were special to me too.’

‘Shirin …’

They lock eyes, and she notices his flicker briefly down to her own lips, before looking back up to her eyes.

‘If I asked you to kiss me right now,’ she begins quietly, ‘would you?’

Kian chuckles again, clears his throat and looks away. ‘You’re drunk. You don’t mean any of this.’

‘But what if I did?’

‘If you weren’t drunk, then yeah, I would,’ he says.

Her heart is beating quickly now, and her mouth is dry. Hearing these words, knowing for certain what she had suspected, and it being exactly what she wants right now, makes her say, ‘I want you to kiss me, Kian.’