Page 96 of The Mismatch

He reminded her of Laleh then, how he wanted to be close to her with nothing to say, just needing her presence. But she wasn’t his mother, she was his wife, and he had betrayed her. She didn’t want to be a calming presence anymore, didn’t want to give him comfort. Who gavehercomfort?

‘Something is going on with you, you’re behaving oddly.’

‘I’m not, I’ve just not been feeling that well.’

‘You’re telling me because you’ve had a cold that justifies cheating on me, hitting my brother? Have you lost your mind? Just because we’re in England doesn’t mean you can act this way.’

‘I didn’t know what I was doing, you have to believe me, I’m not well,’ he said, grabbing her hands. His palms were damp and cold, and she resisted the urge to snatch her hands away. She couldn’t look him in the eye.

‘Your actions aren’t those of a sane man. I don’t know who you are anymore. Not well? What’s wrong with you? Eh?’

He said nothing.

‘How would you feel if I slept with another man and then said I was unwell? That’s not an excuse! What do you even mean, unwell? Do you mean tired? You have the flu? Speak some sense.’

‘I’m in trouble,’ he said in a quiet voice.

‘With whom?’ She realised then she didn’t know him at all. It seemed he lived in an entirely separate world from her, a world in which he had English lovers, got in trouble with people she had never met.

‘I’ve made so many mistakes and I don’t know how to take them back. I wish I could take it all back.’ His eyes were glassy. She had never seen him cry before.

‘What’s that meant to mean? Take what back?’

‘I can’t stop taking it … I can’t. I’ve tried and I can’t. Allah help me.’ He put his head in his hands and his whole body shook violently.

Her hand hovered over his back, but she couldn’t touch him.

‘What can’t you stop taking? Alcohol? Have you become an alcoholic? What is it, Hossein?’

‘I don’t remember being with them, what they even look like … that’s how bad it’s got.’

‘What are you talking about, Hossein? That woman?Women?’ she hissed. ‘You’re making no sense. Have you gone crazy?’

He shook his head. ‘I didn’t mean to, that’s not what I mean.’ He paused. ‘I need to stop. I know I can stop. I do badthings because of it. I hurt you. It’s not my fault, I don’t mean to, honestly. I swear to you, Neda. I just need your help.’

She slammed her hand down onto the table. ‘Help withwhat?’

‘Opio.’ As he said the word he let out a sigh of relief, his shoulders slumping.

And the words he uttered made no sense to her. When she tried to repeat them they stuck to her mouth, gluey.

Yes, he had cheated on her. Multiple times. She knew that, even if he wouldn’t outright admit it. Yes. But that was beside the point now, or rather the point had changed, he’d changed it.

In the silence, his face was pained, lips turned down to expose his small teeth – the teeth she had once thought were cute. Now she noticed how yellow they were. When had this man she thought she loved decayed? And how had she lived with him and not noticed?

‘Opium,’ Neda whispered. ‘Oh, Hossein.’

CHAPTER 45

Soraya

London, 2014

Soraya left John’s house at 7 p.m.

Her insides felt like they had been grated, her skin dry and fragile. She’d had a few hours’ sleep on the sofa whilstFriendsplayed in the background.

It was a brisk fifteen-minute walk back to hers. Her stomach growled angrily despite her not feeling hungry. On the way home she stopped off at the supermarket.