Page 85 of The Mismatch

‘I know it sounds bad—’

‘Wasallof this a game for you? To sleep with a virgin? To prove you could do it, oh, so effortlessly?’

‘Obviously not—’

‘Evenwhen I told you about my dad, you didn’t think you should stop then? Or was it too funny to stop? Is that why you invited me to the party, so you could all laugh at me?’

‘Soraya, it isn’t like that.’ He closed his eyes momentarily but then something in him changed. His jaw clenched and the streetlights cast a shadow over his face. It made him look different. ‘Who are you to talk?’ he asked her then.

‘What?’

‘I know you were using me too,’ Magnus said quietly. ‘I read your diary.’

CHAPTER 39

Soraya

London, 2014

In that moment she wanted to die.

‘And?’ she said in a pathetic attempt to call his bluff. ‘What’s that got to do with anything?

‘The night you told me about your dad, you left your diary under your pillow. When you were showering, I read what you wrote in there. About me being gross, how you only asked me out to get “kissing practice”. That you’re a virgin.’

‘What do you want me to say?’ she challenged. ‘Apologise for using you, when you were using me too? And you know what? I was right about one thing: you are gross.’ She wasn’t sure how she managed to keep her voice so level.

Magnus ran his fingers through his hair, pulled at a strand.

‘I wasn’t using you! I wasn’t even involved in the bet. I told them I didn’t want to be a part of it. I admit, I did tell the guys we had sex just to get them off my back when I realised how much I liked you, that this could be something real. I wanted them to stop talking about the fucking bet, that’s all. I know it all sounds worse than it was, it was just lads talking—’

‘And yet that girl knew I was a virgin, so you had been telling people. Was she another one you were with whilst you were with me? One of the fifty.Fifty. Jesus Christ.’

She saw his jaw tighten. ‘No, of course not. Rosie’s one of my best friends. I just told her about what I read. I wasn’t sure what to do. I didn’t know if you really liked me or if all this was a game to you.’

His excuses sounded as hollow as she now felt.

What was the point of defending herself when he too had lied to her – used her in a much worse way? Wasn’t all this proof of how dysfunctional their relationship was? She always knew it would have to end, and perhaps on some level she had also known his affection for her was never real. Her family, it seemed, had been right all along. He had been after nothing but sex. All to win fifty pounds and bragging rights.

‘Stop! I don’t care. We don’t need to hash any of this out.’

He nodded in acknowledgement. ‘So this really was all about practice for you?’ he said.

She tried to think of what she’d written in her diary. She hadn’t mentioned her changing feelings for him, she didn’t think. At least she would be saved that embarrassment.

His attitude to sex was worlds away from hers.Fifty. The number was colossal. Unimaginable to her. How many other such bets had he made about other girls?

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘It was.’

‘Fair enough,’ he said slowly. ‘I guess this is it then.’

The words winded her. It didn’t matter then that it was inevitable; those simple words of acceptance still had the power to wound her.

‘I guess so.’ She began to walk away.

‘This is what I mean,’ she heard him say.

Soraya whipped her head around. ‘What?’