Page 41 of The Mismatch

Just when she almost leant in, she became conscious of the people around them and moved backwards. He must have had the same thought because he let her go at the same time.

‘I guess it’s inspired by my relationship with my dad,’ he said finally.

The resignation in his voice, and Soraya’s memory of his dad at graduation, made her feel bad for asking.

To prod further was to enter uncertain territory; this whole thing was only meant to be about one kiss. Poking into sticky family situations would only complicate things further.

‘Oh, yeah?’ she replied, throwing the ball firmly back into his court.

‘Yeah. I mean, I don’t think it’ll go anywhere. I just write for fun.’

She noticed the way his whole demeanour changed when he spoke about writing. He was usually so confident, knew exactly what he was doing, but here, in the realm of writing, he did not.

They moved to another section of the bookshop. Soraya noticed a shelf marked Feminism and Feminist Theory. She power-walked towards it, knowing he would follow her like she had followed him.

‘What are your thoughts on feminism?’ she asked, her heart beating oddly quickly. She knew exactly what she was doing though; she was hoping he would say the wrong thing,that her initial assumptions about him would be confirmed as correct all along: that he was just a typical lad. Confirmation of this would make not seeing him again a lot easier.

She was conscious of the fact that she was no longer using him, that the lines were blurring, and what they were doing had now become something real. They would never work as a couple, though, she knew this, for a number of reasons, including:

He was renowned for dating girls on rotation.

He had previously said he didn’t believe in monogamy.

He didn’t believe in God.

When she wasn’t with him, Soraya questioned what they were doing, and why she had let it go on for so long. And yet … she liked being with him now. Somewhere deep inside, she knew she looked forward to their meetings. So, she needed him to say something wrong now – to cause an argument, to give her a reason to call it off.

But a small part of her was rooting for Magnus. She pushed down on that part.

She didn’t look at him but picked up the nearest book and pretended to read the blurb, though her eyes were skimming over words her brain did not take in.

She could feel his presence behind her. ‘It’s good?’ he said.

She put the book down, turned around to face him, a challenging look in her eyes. ‘Good?’

‘I mean,’ he said, ‘what do you want me to say? It’s bad?’ He was smiling.

‘So you have no opinion on the matter, then?’ she asked quickly. ‘It sounds like you could take it or leave it, like it’s not something you’ve considered before.’

He frowned. ‘I obviously care about equality between men and women. I’m not a complete dickhead. I just don’t really get why you’re asking me, to be honest. It’s like you want me to say I don’t agree with it or something?’

She was clearly not being as subtle as she thought.

‘Of course I support women’s rights,obviously,’ he continued. ‘Why the hell wouldn’t I?’

Soraya sat on one of the wooden benches nearby, and Magnus sat down next to her. She looked at her hands as she spoke, something close to shame creeping in. ‘You hang around with boys from uni who are known for treating girls badly,’ she said, in as steady a voice as she could manage, though the fire in her belly had died down now. What she didn’t say was: the wayyou’reknown to treat girls is pretty bad, too.

‘I’m not them, though.’

‘But you’re friends with them.’

‘Not all of them. My actual friends are pretty sound.’ He paused. ‘I don’t like that you still see me that way.’

Her heart began to beat quickly again.

‘We’ve hung out quite a few times now,’ he continued. ‘Surely you see that I’m not like that by now?’

She swallowed her own saliva with difficulty; her throat felt too tight. She was thoroughly put on the spot. It wasn’t like she didn’t deserve it though.