Page 119 of The Mismatch

Soraya had been so absorbed in her own problems she hadn’t considered how the weight of holding Laleh’s secret would affect Parvin. They all had different ways of coping.

‘It’s OK. God, I can’t believe they actually disowned her.’

‘I know. Whenever we joked that we’d be disowned if we did something wrong, I don’t think I ever truly believed it. Yes, they would shout and scream, but how could they abandon her when she was pregnant? It’s mad.’

A silence fell between them.

‘I think, though, they’ve changed since then,’ Parvin said thoughtfully.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Our parents. Laleh was their firstborn. They were super strict and overprotective with her – even more so than withus. Mum and Dad were arguing more than ever back then. I think if the same thing happened now they’d react differently.’

‘I bloody hope so.’

‘I guess we all make mistakes, some bigger than others.’

Soraya sighed. She partly agreed, but they’d had so many years to rectify their mistake, and they hadn’t. Were they too ashamed, embarrassed? Of themselves, or of Laleh? Perhaps both.

‘Laleh is thinking of coming to see us all in a few months, you know,’ Parvin said.

‘I heard. I really hope she does.’

Parvin continued to fix Soraya’s nails in contented silence. For the first time in a long time her life felt like it was on its way to being whole again.

It was true what her mum said. Soraya needed to find herself, before she found anyone else.

CHAPTER 57

Soraya

London, 2015

Weeks ticked by, which became months, until it was almost spring. Soraya had been offered a marketing and design internship, three days a week, at a large theatre company. She did this as well as working at the clothes shop part-time. When she rose to go to work it was no longer dark. It was these things that gave her hope. Not that she was short on that. Hope was the reason so many of her expectations had been systematically dashed.

One by one.

But she was trying to change her outlook.

She used her love of searching the internet to work on her excessive nail biting. She downloaded a mindfulness app and practised it every morning for ten minutes. She also began going to a nail salon in an attempt to prevent her from shredding the skin around them. Paying twenty-five pounds every three weeks for gel nails became a good reason not to ruin her fingers.

She adopted a new approach, borrowed from Oliver, in her attempts to get over Magnus: pretend he was dead. And no, she wasn’t joking. She allowed herself to cherish their memories, but because he was dead there was no hope thatthey could ever be together. Nothing particularly heinous had happened but it finally made sense to block him onallsocial media.

She was at her retail job, standing by the till, watching the world go by. The store was empty. She was alone with her thoughts and the store playlist that repeated the same ten songs all day long. So in her cruel solitary confinement, also known as working in retail, she thought about how Magnus had so quickly forgotten about their messed-up relationship, and how she couldn’t. She decided to change her own narrative.

The launch day for their journal,Millennials– a semi-ironic title – was steadily approaching. As well as working her two jobs, Soraya busied herself with designing the cover and layout. She took her laptop everywhere with her and in the hours in between her two jobs she would find a Pret, order a filter coffee, and design. It was cathartic, and held her together. It made her realise what she was passionate about, after spending so long worrying that she wasn’t passionate about anything. She also learnt that it was pointless to compare herself to everyone around her. Once they left university everyone’s journey was completely different. Focusing on those around her made no sense anymore. She needed to focus on what made her happy, and she finally found that in the little acts that brought her joy in the day, like buying herself a nice coffee every so often, or reading in the nearby park on her lunch break on sunnier days.

They found an independent venue, which acted as a cafe by day and bar by night, to host the launch party for free. Theparty was the highlight of Soraya’s year. All other events before were pre-launch party, and anything after was post-launch party. Whereas, up until recently, life had been pre-Magnus and post-Magnus.

Collectively they decided on which pieces would be included in the journal, and she provided illustrations for each of them. The whole experience cemented what she already knew: she wanted to work in design. And with her internship it seemed Soraya was finally moving in the right direction.

She had also written a piece featured inMillennials, but that was something she was desperately trying to forget about.

‘Youneedto – you have so much baggage that should be let out,’ Oliver had said to her in the kitchen one day.

‘Are you sure we just haven’t had that many good submissions?’

He pursed his lips, let out a breath. ‘Well, there’s that too, but that’s not why I’m saying this.’