Page 112 of The Mismatch

Oliver whistled. ‘Oh, you are mad.’

She threw her arms up in the air. ‘It’s not even an insult, is it? It just means vagina. I never get why people dislike the word so much.’

He watched her carefully, as he always did. ‘I’m just saying, we don’t know for sure what the post means yet. You need to unfriend him from Facebook for your own sanity, though.’

She didn’t want to say the words, aware of how it would make her seem, even to Oliver.But then all ties will be broken. She felt ridiculous comparing her relationship with Magnus to other people’s break-ups because they had only dated briefly, and it hadn’t even been real.

‘I’ll think about it,’ she said instead.

Soon afterwards, she downloaded Tinder. ‘You need to be here while I do it. It’s scary,’ she said.

‘I thought you didn’t like Tinder. Didn’t you say it was only for superficial people?’ He raised a judgemental eyebrow at her.

‘You’re allowed to change your opinion.’

Tinder was downloading.

‘Sure, whatever,’ Oliver said, monotone as always.

‘You’re cranky.’

He exhaled, puffing out his lips in the process, before slowly looking up at Soraya. ‘I don’t want to complain about my life right now, not when you’re … you know.’

His comment stung. She picked up one of the nail varnishes from the vanity next to her and lifted it to the light to distract from the hurt that was no doubt showing on her face. It was a coppery colour, but in the strong light she could see flecks of lilac and pink. Oliver owned the nicest nail colours in the varnish he sporadically wore.

‘It’s all relative. What’s up?’ she asked.

‘Nothing massive, you know, apart from my love life being a hot mess, as usual. And work – I don’t know … I always wanted to work in publishing and I thought once I got in it would be a certain way, you know? But I don’t fit in at all.’

This surprised her because Oliver fitted in everywhere; everyone loved him.

‘What do you mean?’

‘I can’t really be myself at work. Everyone is so posh and, I guess, white. Which is fine, but I feel like I’m expected to be like them, and if I disagree with them, I’m the difficult one, the loud one.’

She understood. Wasn’t this the problem they’d both had while growing up, in varying degrees? Wasn’t this precisely why they wanted to create their own publication, so their otherness could be at the forefront, celebrated, instead of something to be ashamed of and hidden away?

‘I just feel like the token black guy in the room. Whenever they talk about diversity they automatically look at me, as though because I’m black I can speak for every ethnic minority.’ He paused. ‘And you know what? It’s not my job to make their company more “diverse”, it’s their mess.’ Hesighed. ‘Take it from me, having your dream job isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.’

‘Focus your energies on our lit journal,’ she said. ‘It’s our thing. And changewillhappen, it’ll get better, it has to. You just have to be patient.’

‘Right back at you.’

**

One thing Soraya could safely say she’d gained from dating Magnus was the new sense of confidence he’d instilled in her – when it came to her looks anyway. He had made her feel unique, with her large dark eyes, high cheekbones and petite frame. So when she uploaded photos to Tinder she was confident they would be taken seriously, whereas pre-Magnus no one from the opposite sex, apart from Oliver, had ever complimented her on her appearance.

With this thought running through her mind, she swiped right to a plethora of guys she was aware she was never going to talk to, and felt satisfaction when ‘It’s a match!’ appeared on the screen.

These small highs were fleeting.

Days after her talk with Oliver, when she was sitting in bed, coffee cup in one hand, Tinder open on her phone, she found the first guy she had seen on the app that she actually found attractive. And he looked nothing like Magnus. His black hair was cut short and he had a full fringe. He was slender, well dressed in muted colours.

He had also been at Goldsmiths whilst she was there, and she thought she might have seen him in the library.

She swiped right.

It’s a match!