Page 88 of Bridget & Gabe Are Not Okay

“Whywereyou peeping?”

“Because I missed you horribly,” Gabriel said honestly. “It was nice to see you and not have to…”

“Duck your head or run away,” said Arthur. “God, you’re fascinating. When you die, they should take your brain out and study it, to protect future generations from enduring all this romantic suffering.”

“I’m—”

“I know you’re sorry,” Arthur said quietly. “You don’t have to keep saying it. You’re showing it. That’s better.”

His mouth was so soft, Gabriel suddenly felt very aware that his was wind-chapped and rough, but Arthur didn’t seem to mind. He had all that fine stubble anyway, which left Gabriel’s chin feeling pleasantly raw.

“I thought you were perhaps… courting Sir Florian,” Gabriel said, when he could, and Arthur sat fully up.

“You thought I was courting your married cousin?”

“I’m told he’s very attractive.”

“He is,” said Arthur. “He’s also your married cousin.”

“I didn’t know he was married until two days ago,” Gabriel protested. “I didn’t know anything, he hadn’t told me.”

“Can you blame him? They won’t even let him carry a weapon around you.”

Gabriel’s hand had been bravely toying with the laces of Arthur’s shirt, but it stilled now. “What? That’s not true. He has a sword.”

Arthur shook his head. “He doesn’t, Gabe. No sword, no knife. His belt is empty.”

“But he’s been out riding with us… When we went after the Beast, the Green Knight, he could have… he couldn’t have defended himself at all.”

“No,” said Arthur. “And yet he’s here anyway, even though Sir Hurst obviously trusts him about as much as a bear with a baby. And I know… a bit about what that’s like, obviously, myfather being who he was, and with everything that happened last year. I told you, Florian’s a good listener.”

“Yes,” Gabriel said, feeling deeply guilty, making a mental note to apologize to Sir Florian again and berate Sir Hurst, in whichever order he came across them. “You did. I thought you meant…”

“You thought I meant goodlistener,” Arthur said, smirking. “Ohh, I see. I don’t know. You’d have to ask his wife, her name is Sita, and she likes poetry and courtly love books, so I’m sure she’s quite the expert.”

“Don’t be vulgar.”

“Oh,don’tbe vulgar?” Arthur said, holding his hands up, protesting his innocence. “I must have misunderstood what was happening here.”

Gabriel went very red again, and Arthur took mercy on him and kissed him on the temple, where the flush of color always met his hairline, then on the cheekbone, and then in the crook of his neck.

“That’s not… what I meant,” Gabriel said, focusing on the feeling of Arthur against him, Arthur’s mouth on his skin, all the things he thought he’d never get to have again.

“I suppose we can be a little vulgar,” Arthur said, sounding far too pleased with himself. “As wearein love.”

Gabriel lay there being kissed, the slow, warm drag as intoxicating as wine, and then something occurred to him and he struggled upright to a sitting position, pushing Arthur gently down onto the soft, mussed blankets.

Arthur looked up at him wide-eyed, caught completely off guard, all his smug satisfaction gone in an instant. Gabriel understood, looking at him, just how much he’d hurt him, and how terrified he must be now, giving Gabriel the chance to do it all over again.

“Gabe,” Arthur said, and Gabriel reached down to touch the rough, sharp line of his chin, the corner of his mouth.

“I just…” Gabriel said, and then he paused.Say it right. “It wasn’t enough, that I loved you. So I want you to… to know now, that when I say ‘I love you,’ I mean… I’mwithyou. I want to be with you. I’m going to… fight to be with you, and love you too.”

Emotion rippled across Arthur’s face. He might have been about to cry, but then instead he smiled. Gabriel hesitated for a second, then pushed Arthur’s collar aside and ran his fingers along the skin there, leaning down with his arm braced against the bed to kiss where his fingers had just been. He couldn’t stay balanced like that comfortably for long, betrayed by the physics of it all, so he lay down on his side and pulled Arthur to him, heard the catch in his breathing as every inch of their bodies met.

“Hey,” Arthur muttered into Gabriel’s neck, once there were fewer layers between them, Gabriel’s hand spread wide across Arthur’s ribs. “I want to be with you too.”

Gabriel drew back to take in Arthur’s flushed face, his rare expression of earnest concentration, and felt his chest constrict so tight that it rendered him breathless. This was so important. So delicate, so maddening, so worth everything he had to give to it.