Page 32 of Bridget & Gabe Are Not Okay

This had always made sense, even when nothing else had. Holding Gwen. It allowed Bridget to come to stillness, tosomething akin to peace, cool air in her lungs and an unfurling in her head.

Her hands slid up to Gwen’s shoulder blades, steadier across the familiar jut of bones, Gwen’s heartbeat even against her own.Alive, alive. Not murdered in the hall by a man with too much audacity and wine on his shirt.

Gwen’s breath skittered across Bridget’s skin in the forgotten span between ear and hairline, and then Bridget’s mind was mercifully blank and her mouth was on Gwen, finding the same place and kissing her there.

“Bridget,” Gwen murmured, but the way she said it did not encourage an end to proceedings. Her hands were on Bridget’s back, grip tight, keeping her exactly where she belonged. Good. This was good. No need to examine what had happened in the hall too closely. That was over now. There was only this.

“Hold on.” Gwen adjusted so that she could push Bridget gently away. “Explain.”

“I’m… busy,” Bridget said idly, her mind pleasantly blurred, her eyes still on Gwen’s neck where her mouth had been a moment before. Gwen didn’t yield, so Bridget met her gaze, and saw it was alarmingly steely.

“You don’t just get to kiss me like everything’s okay,” she said. “You owe me the truth, remember?”

Bridget slumped against the door, tipped her head back so she could observe the ceiling.

“You lost it out there.”

Bridget nodded. Then, when Gwen only watched her, waiting, she said, “It was a reasonable response. He could have been a threat.”

“Right,” Gwen said, “but he also could have just been a guy who wanted to talk to me about his fence, and the fact that hisneighbor keeps tearing it down. He was very big on the fence. I can tell it’s a main character in his life.”

“Not really worth waiting to find out though, was it?”

“You weren’t jumpy like this back in the spring. What changed?”

“I don’t know,” Bridget said, honest and suddenly defensive. “This is pointless, I told you I don’t—”

“Look, either you’re the person who ran away andignoredme for weeks on end and has absolutely no explanation to offer, in which case perhaps I might hate you, or you’re the person who disappeared for areason, a reason you’re going to share, to try to make amends and help me understand. So, who are you going to be?”

Bridget hated this expression on Gwen’s face, aimed in her direction. That divot in her brow was reserved for matters of court, for worrying about her brother. Bridget had always been a moment of respite in her day. They’d walked the woods near Camelot together for hours until Gwen could laugh again. Locked eyes across the dais at feasts and both looked away with smiles tugging at their lips. Bridget didn’t always know the right thing to say, but just being there, listening, had often been enough.

It wasn’t anymore.

Bridget went to speak, stopped, then looked beseechingly at Gwen for help.

“What do you feel?” Gwen prompted. “Right now?”

“Like…” Bridget closed her eyes. “My heart. It’s going too fast.”

Gwen leaned in and kissed her so sweetly it made her aforementioned heart ache. “Thank you. Now we’re getting somewhere. And back in the hall?”

It wasn’t fair. The kissing made everything feel so muchlooser, tongue included. “I don’t know. Like everything’s happening so… much. And if I’m not careful, I’m going to miss something important. I need to pay attention, all the time.”

“And if you don’t? We have a whole round table. And guards. And Lord Fentman has guards. There are a lot of guards, all in.”

“We both know it just takes one chink in the armor…”

“Knights of the realm, Bridget. The kingdom’s finest. But I take your point.”

She kissed Bridget again, lingering a little longer this time, and when Bridget tried to lean in she pulled away, leaving her breathing into empty air. Gwen raised her eyebrows, and Bridget offered: “It doesn’t matter if we’re quite safelogically. That’s not enough.”

“Whatwouldbe enough?”

Bridget sighed. “Nothing. Probably. I don’t know if I’ll ever think we’re truly safe again.”

“You’ll drive yourself mad.”

Her fingers found a strand of Gwen’s hair and twisted it, gently. Gwen allowed it. It was sort of easy to imagine that everything was okay now that she could breathe again, in a quiet room with a closed door between them and everything else. “I’m already mad.”