Page 99 of Trouble

‘I would never,’ said Captain Edwards.

Emily had run out of considerations, but for one.

‘You cannot really wish to marry me, Ben,’ she said, sounding as tired as she felt. ‘We would only argue all the time. We cannot even get through a proposal without arguing.’

Captain Edwards’s face broke into one of his rare and utterly devastating smiles, and Emily tried to keep her head about it.

‘I rather enjoy arguing with you,’ he said, with a small shrug. ‘It rarely feels like true conflict. More like .?.?. friendly sparring, even if you do occasionally draw blood.’

‘Is that really what you want in a wife? Regular risk of minor injury?’

‘Emily, what I want in a wife is somebody who treats me as an equal, because weareequals. I like that you do not trifle with small talk and niceties, or care about appearing polite, because you are fiercely loyal to those youdocare for, and that is worth far more to me than an even temperament or good social graces. I cannot blame you for something you didn’t actually do, and I cannot find it in me to be angry about a few ill-judged meetings with Mr Pine and a handful of trinkets you stole without anybody noticing. I only wish you knew that I would have given you anything you wanted, if you had only asked.’

‘I do not want charity,’ Emily said automatically. It came out a little husky, because her throat was feeling strangely tight.

‘It is notcharity, Emily. People do not pity you. We all know you are more than capable of providing for yourself, for your sister. Has it never occurred to you that people might wish to help you out of friendship? Out oflove?’

‘You cannot understand how it feels,’ Emily said sharply.

‘No,’ said Captain Edwards. ‘I know. But .?.?. I know how I feel aboutyou.’

Emily sort of wished that her heart could have swelled at these words, and that she could have simply swooned a little and kissed him and felt so swept up in the moment that she could return his declarations of love, but it was truly impossible for her to be anybody but herself, so instead she did what came naturally: she felt a sharp shrill of joy, a healthy helping of discomfort as her body tried to cringe away from his words, and then she stepped forward so that he might kiss her.

It was much easier than talking, and it might have conveyed some of what she felt: that she, despite her horror that he loved her, loved him, too, in her own, far less simple way, and had run out of angles to try to argue him out of it. She hoped he got the gist.

He certainly seemed to. He did not kiss her like he was saying goodbye. He was smiling into it, kissing her with a slow, leisurely happiness that made Emily flush bright red, one of his hands in her hair and the other at her back, holding her steady.

‘Shall I punchhim?’ Oliver called from the carriage. ‘He is impugning your honour a bit, Emily, in front of God and the seagulls and anybody who passes. Just say the word. I’m not afraid to be dismissed – I’m too valuable an asset.’

Captain Edwards only removed his hand from Emily’s back so that he could level a very rude gesture at Oliver. Emily laughed abruptly, and then stopped laughing even more abruptly when the captain’s hands slid to her waist so that he could pull her closer, Oliver be damned.

Chapter Thirty-Four

It was Joe who thought of a free hospital, and Mrs Augusta Spencer, of all people, who said she’d put up the funding. Apparently she’d been looking for a charitable endeavour, and this one was as good as any. She was to buy the house, and immediately donate it. Emily was glad of the increased opportunities to stare at her when she visited to discuss finances.

The house would be stripped of the last of its furniture and trinkets, everything that wasn’t nailed down and a few things that were. Once it had all been sold, the Edwards family would vacate the premises and allow it to be converted to its new use.

There were a few conditions involved; negotiations that took place between Captain Edwards and the local board of governors and Mrs Spencer herself, who only deigned to visit to discuss the plans when she had been assured that there would be bottles of wine opened to lubricate proceedings.

Negotiations also had to take place between the captain and Emily.

He was the one who suggested that, if she felt well enough, Amy might like employment at the hospital. They could make her position part of the deal: Amy could set her own hours, and take time to rest when required. Emily’s mother would be there to keep an eye on her, but Emily was trying to stop hoveringso much over her sister, or as Amy put it, ‘Stop appointing yourself the king of all my business, including when and how often I go to the toilet.’

Captain Edwards had been talking about travelling the continent. It was the sort of thing Emily had heard people discuss wistfully in the past – seeing the ruins of Rome, the sparkling Aegean Sea – but it had never been stated so matter-of-factly as Captain Edwards did, with the means and the knowledge to actually do such a thing. As soon as he had suggested it, Emily had felt a restless longing spring up inside her, a desire to go atonce.

She was starting to imagine what she mightliketo do, rather than what shehadto do. It was difficult to unlearn; she was plagued by a nagging feeling that she had forgotten something, and that everything was all going to come tumbling down if she did not urgently recall it.

Travelling, however, felt like a very good place to start.

She would have liked to imagine Amy at her side as their ship pulled into some far-flung, mysterious port, but she wasn’t entirely sure it would be to her sister’s liking. She would come if Emily begged her to, but Emily had no desire to drag her around the world under duress. Amy working at the hospital, though, Emily could imagine. In fact, she could picture the expression that would blaze across Amy’s face the instant she was asked.

Sea air and lodgings and a job doing something she loved, with time to rest when she needed it.

Emily wanted to kiss Captain Edwards for thinking of it, so she did.

A wedding was a uniquely strange thing to be facing when you had never considered having one before. It was like suddenly being told that you were to head up an expedition to the Arctic, or that your expertise was needed in an operating theatre when you had not a jot of medical knowledge. Suddenly Emily was abride, without having done any of the prerequisite dreaming about it, and it was coming as quite a shock.

As soon as she’d heard, Meera had developed a slightly manic glint in her eye and started talking very quickly while rapidly writing down notes. Emily had backed away from her, and from the idea of the wedding and the breakfast and all the other little details that needed organising. She had been mostly hiding since.