Page 96 of Trouble

All things considered, it was a miracle that he followed her.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Emily didn’t dare look back at him as she made her way to the cliffs and down the sandy, hazardous steps. Even when she reached the lopsided rock that marked the spot, she kept her eyes fixed firmly on the ground.

She dug in the sand until her fingers hit something cold and solid, and then she hauled up the statuette and the snuffbox and presented them to Captain Edwards, who was standing watching her with his face blank and his hands behind his back as if he was on duty.

‘I stole these,’ she said, the breeze whipping her hair into her mouth so that she had to drag it out again, tasting salt and something bitter. ‘And that box of your wife’s, the .?.?. the baroque one you saw me with that first week. I asked him to sell it for me, and I had planned to do the same with these, before .?.?. I didn’t think you’d miss them, and .?.?. honestly, youdidn’tmiss them, youwouldn’t.?.?. but .?.?. that’s why he called me a thief. Because I was one. I am one.’

Captain Edwards sighed, squinting out at the sea as if it was doing something terribly interesting, and then he sat down heavily in the sand next to where Emily was crouching. She sat, too, and they both watched the waves come in as she waited for him to speak.

‘It is not the stolen things I mind,’ he said eventually. ‘Because you’re right. I didn’t miss them. I suppose we could have sold them ourselves, but in the grand scheme of things .?.?. they hardly matter. No, it’s .?.?. Hmmm. I suppose .?.?. I suppose it’s the fact that I trusted you completely.’

He didn’t even sound angry, which was so gut-wrenchingly awful that Emily wanted to shout at him, to throw insults until he raised his voice and fought with her, just as she deserved.

‘I swear to you on everything I hold dear – which is really just my sister, so I suppose I swear on her – that I did not speak a word to him of anything you told me in confidence. I stole three things from you, and I tried to take things that mattered more, but all I ever told him was that you were at odds with the navy, which he already knew. As soon as I realised what he actually wanted, it was over. I lied about who I was when I arrived here, but you know the extent of that already. And .?.?. and I couldn’t agree to marry you, if you ever really intended such a thing, because you didn’t know the whole truth. Now you do. That is everything.’

Captain Edwards didn’t say anything, and Emily wavered.

‘Well .?.?. noteverything. I suppose there is also the fact that I think I might possibly love you, in my own way – but I’m not entirely sure how you’re supposed to tell. I have never been that sort of person. I am atleasteighty per cent dreadful, which you have seen for yourself – and I think perhaps I was just not meant for things like .?.?.kissingand flowers and .?.?. and the holding of hands. Not that it matters now, of course.’

She tried to give him his cold, wet things, but he didn’t even look down, so she awkwardly deposited them next to him and stood up, shedding sand as she did.

She suddenly didn’t want to hear his verdict, or to look at him at all – she wanted to put an end to this, to write it off as an ugly misadventure that she had escaped from by the skin of her teeth, a cautionary tale about the dangers of crossing the line and daring to believe there might be something better out there for someone like her.

He didn’t come after her as she walked away up the beach. She thought of him sitting in the sand with the proof of her deception beside him, and felt so unbearably sad that she sped up, half-running back to the house, as if she could outpace that mental picture and put everything behind her.

At Fairmont, she found all of the staff in the entrance hall, deep in conversation. They looked up expectantly when she entered, and she noticed that Aster was standing on the stairs, frowning down at her and looking much older than he actually was, a miniature master of the house.

‘Are you all right?’ Meera said, reaching for Emily’s arm so that she could rub it fortifyingly. ‘We heard there was some sort of—’

‘We heard that a man came looking for you and then the captain turned his face inside out,’ Akia said, not quite managing to hide the fact that she found this thrilling. ‘On your behalf.’

‘No,’ said Emily. ‘No, that isn’t quite—’

‘I wish I could have hit him,’ Oliver said gloomily. ‘I’ve been feeling punchy for absolutely ages, it would have been very nourishing for my soul. Do you think he’ll be back?’

‘I need to borrow the gig,’ Emily blurted out. ‘I need to go to the village. Now.’

‘Now?’ said Meera. ‘Emily, do you not think you should—?’

‘Now,’ Emily said, turning to Oliver. ‘Please.’

‘Well .?.?. Christ. I suppose proximity to you increases the likelihood that I might get into a little fisticuffs today, so I will do it,’ he said magnanimously. ‘Just give me a moment to put on new stockings. These ones don’t match.’

He went to do so, and Akia tilted her head and looked at Emily far too discerningly.

‘You know,’ she said quietly, ‘There’s a lot of capacity for forgiveness in this house. Too much, perhaps. I once set fire to the curtains in the drawing room, and probably should have been dismissed at once.’

‘Thatwas not your fault,’ said Meera. ‘How were you to know that Oliver had soaked them in alcohol? In fact,Olivershould have been dismissed for drinking spirits in the window alcove.’

Akia shrugged. ‘You see? This is exactly the sort of thing I’m talking about. And, look – nothing is onfire, Emily.’

This was not quite true, although the fire was of a decidedly metaphorical nature.

Emily almost reached for her trunk, but then she thought of how much they would all exclaim and throw more questions at her if they knew she was really leaving for good this time, and could not quite bear it. They could send on her things, if they wished. They were hardly worth taking, anyway.

Aster came sauntering down the stairs towards her, hands in his pockets as if he were feeling rather casual – but he betrayed himself with the hawklike intensity on his face.