Page 83 of Trouble

‘But .?.?. you know I lied,’ Emily countered, all too aware that she was arguing against her own interests but unable to stop.

‘Yes. Grace has just made clear some of the finer points.’

‘So youknowI am not the governess you and Meera hired, and that I lied about my name, and came here under false pretences.’

‘Yes,’ he said, infuriatingly calm. ‘I do. I know that you came here because your sister could not, to fill a post that desperately needed filling. I know that you have been taking care of the children, in your own way. They adore you—’

‘They don’t know any better.’

‘You and I both knowthat’snot true,’ he said, with the hint of a laugh. ‘They are terribly discerning when it comes to governessesin particular. Aster, in fact, warned me before your arrival that if you were found wanting, he would set fire to your bed and give you a splendid Viking send-off. I believe he offered to play the horn.’

‘He probably thought you weren’t listening.’

‘I was listening,’ said Captain Edwards. ‘I haven’t always known .?.?. Idon’talways know how they would like me to respond. But I am trying. I have been trying.’

‘Fine,’ said Emily, unsure how they’d been blown so thoroughly off course. ‘All right. So we can consider this business .?.?. concluded.’

‘Actually,’ said Captain Edwards, ‘I wanted to ask if you’d reconsider.’

‘Reconsider what?’

‘Staying.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous,’ said Emily.

It had made so much sense to leave – why was he making this sodifficult? They had kissed, she had rightfully departed, approximately half of her secrets had been laid bare, and now he wanted to rehash it all? Start again? If he knew how thoroughly Emily had almost betrayed him, he wouldn’t be looking at her like that, stern and steady with a touch of fondness showing in the corners of his eyes and mouth. She could tell him now – tell him the entire truth of her meetings with Charles and the things she had buried down at the beach – and hope he at least gave her a head start when he called for the constable to turn around and come right back.

Even with such a surprising capacity for forgiveness, he would need to draw the line somewhere, and Emily would only half hate him for it.

‘Emily,’ he said, and hearing him say her true name was wonderful and excruciating. ‘You kissed me.’

Emily burned with shame. Because it was true – shehadbeen the one to kiss him. He had asked her to dance, he had been the one on the verge of proposing something far more indecent, but she could not pretend that he had made advances on her out of nowhere and that she had rejected him out of hand, even if that did make more sense to her than what had really happened. She had touched him first. She had lifted her head so that he could meet her.

‘I told you I didn’t want to talk about that.’

‘Then don’t talk.’

The atmosphere had been slipping sideways, but suddenly it fell off a cliff into dangerous waters. His gaze was burning into her from the other side of the desk. He was watching her intently waiting for her to react. To make a move.

To kiss him, Emily thought, and then she let out a breath of a laugh. She was angry again. Good. She could use that.

‘What .?.?. ? Are you asking me to do it again? Now? Here? I know I am too old to be courted, Captain Edwards, but that does not mean I am happy to throw everything away so that I might entertain you while you wait to marry.’

‘That’s not—’

‘Or do you wish to marryme? To take your governess to wife because for some ungodly reason you like it when we scrap? To throw awayyourreputation, when I know it is in such desperate need of shoring up?’

He stared at her. ‘Would that be so absurd?’

‘Yes,’ Emily said, feeling winded. ‘It is absurd. Captain—’

‘My name is Ben,’ he said, each word carefully enunciated. Why was he so insistent on all this unendurable eye contact?

‘I am not going to call youBen!’ Emily shouted. ‘And we both know I am never going to be yourwife, so let’s end this now and be done with it.’

‘Emily—’

‘Captain Edwards.’ She said it with finality, and he made a small frustrated noise and then relented, leaning back in his chair and observing her with open incredulity.