Page 55 of Trouble

‘You worked hard yesterday,’ he said, cutting her off. ‘You seem particularly adept at looking after people. Not just children.’

The idea that Emily was good at looking after children at all was absurd, but she let it slide, because she could hardly protest that she was not at all qualified for the job he was paying her to do. That she had tricked him into believing her to be kind and competent frankly lowered him in her estimations.

‘I’m used to it,’ she said anyway. He looked up at her, a question in the lift of his eyebrows, and Emily shrugged. ‘My sister. She’s .?.?. been unwell.’

Captain Edwards nodded. ‘Is she expected to recover?’

This was so blunt and painful that Emily was left reeling. What a question to ask of a practical stranger over watery stew! How little tact did this man have, that he thought it an appropriate thing to say to her, when she herself didn’t dare think about the answer in case it tempted fate? She hadn’t even meant to tell him about Amy in the first place.

‘I’d rather not discuss it,’ she said, and he nodded again.

They stewed.

‘My wife was terrible at being unwell,’ he said after a few more mouthfuls. ‘In complete denial. Couldn’t get out of bed, but was convinced we were still going ahead with a ball the next weekend, and that she’d be there. I suppose .?.?. in retrospect, perhaps it wasn’t denial. Something more like .?.?. hope.’

‘And you didn’t have any?’ asked Emily.

Captain Edwards’s mouth tightened. ‘No, I suppose I didn’t. I am pragmatic. To a fault, she always said. I knew the odds. I had never supposed myself a likely beneficiary for a miracle.’

‘But Grace beat those odds,’ said Emily.

‘Yes,’ said Captain Edwards. ‘A miracle after all.’

They ate for a while longer, Emily looking out of the window at the scudding clouds. The storm had cleared, but the air still felt brisk and unsettled.

Captain Edwards put his spoon down so abruptly that Emily’s gaze snapped back to him.

‘Listen, Miss Laurence, I am aware that my children are sometimes .?.?. difficult—’

‘Difficult,’ Emily repeated, bristling slightly at the word. She had been described that way since childhood, and had found it meant that she refused to bow and scrape, or to be agreeable to those who didn’t deserve it.Difficulthad been hurt, and wasn’t stupid enough to let it happen again.Difficulthad teeth, and knew how to use them. No matter that she would have used that exact word andmanymore to describe Aster quite recently; now she knew better, and the captain should, too. ‘They have been through more than any child should at that age. And .?.?. and Aster has probably tried to be something of a parent to Grace, in their mother’s absence.’ Emily knew all too well howthatwent.

‘Gracehasa parent,’ said Captain Edwards. He seemed very taken aback by the turn this conversation had taken.

‘Perhaps what you are willing to give is not enough.’

Captain Edwards pushed away his bowl.

‘I’m not entirely sure what you mean by that, Miss Laurence.’

‘I mean that a sibling who is also struggling and a .?.?. a household full ofpaid staffcannot substitute for a parent who smiles when their children enter a room.’

‘Nowthat’senough,’ Captain Edwards said sharply. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about. You have been here a little over a month. I am here every day.’

‘Youarehere every day,’ said Emily. ‘Righthere. In your study. Hiding from them.’

‘I do not hide. I have been trying, I have been—’

‘It is notenough. Grace is desperate for you to be her friend, Aster is trying to set fire to her life because she’s so unhappy, and you refuse to .?.?.’

Captain Edwards shifted, head up and shoulders back, and suddenly looked every inch a man of the Royal Navy.

‘Miss Laurence, I don’t recall inviting you to pass comment on my relationship with my children.’

‘No, but you did invite me into this house, to sit with Grace every day and see at first hand exactly how desperately she needs you. Aster, too, in her own way. They’ve already lost their mother, for God’s sake. Don’t you think you ought to take a stab at being their father?’

‘Stop this,’ said Captain Edwards, his voice hard and his eyes blazing. ‘Just .?.?.stop.’

Sometimes, when Emily was behaving badly, she imagined recounting the story to Amy exactly as it happened. Amy, being Amy, would never be able to hide her disappointment if Emily had badly misstepped, or her righteous indignation on behalf of her sister if Emily was, in fact, in the right. Often she knew that if she everdidtell Amy what she had said or done, she’d have to twist or omit some details to get her on side.