Page 101 of Trouble

She expected him to say no – to push her away again and perhaps walk her back to her room, firmly closing the door with her on the other side of it – but instead he eased himself up the bed and sat back against the pillows, leaving her stranded, kneeling over nothing, feeling like a fool.

‘Come here,’ he said, and she didn’t have it in her to say something cutting in reply, not least because she was worried it would bring him back to his senses.

He reached for her when she was most of the way there and pulled her properly into his lap. There was only his nightshirt and Emily’s shift between them, and she suddenly became acutely aware that they were naked but for two thin layers of soft cotton; he exhaled sharply at the exact moment she felt her limbs flush with something hot and heady.

She leaned down to kiss him, hungrily and with purpose, but he was faster; he swept the hair away from the side of her neck and then his mouth was on her, kissing roughly down the line of her throat.

Emily couldn’t help it. She gasped.

It was so mortifying that she actually considered getting up and leaving, but he only laughed quietly – even the feeling of that was incredible, sending little shocks of pleasure skittering across her skin – and redoubled his efforts, his hands sliding down her back to her waist.

‘This is just .?.?. more kissing,’ she said, trying to sound disapproving, which was undercut somewhat by the fact that she was arching her neck to ensure that he could continue. ‘That’s not what—’

Captain Edwards’s hand suddenly dipped from the curve of her waist to the flat plane of her hip; his thumb found her hipbone and hepressed, which very effectively cut her off mid-sentence.

‘Is this more what you meant?’ he said, his voice low and edged with amusement.

Emily had had quite enough of making himlaugh. She pulled back so that she could look him directly in the eye – he looked a little sleepy still, and far too pleased with himself – and then she acted on instinct and rolled her hips very slightly.

‘Christ, Emily,’ he said brokenly; apparently it felt just as good to him as it did to her, because his eyes half-closed for a moment, and when they opened again there was nothing sleepyabout them.

She did it again.

This time, it punched a noise out of him, and it sounded so rich and rasping andgoodthat Emily suddenly understood exactly what it was that she wanted. She wanted to make him lose himself so completely to the feeling of her that he forgot everything else; to be the one taking the lead, makinghimgasp, unguarded and helpless.

Without allowing herself time to change her mind, she reached down and pulled her shift off over her head, not paying any heed to where it landed.

‘Fuck.’

She could tell that it had slipped out of him completely without forethought, and she had to work very hard not to break into a genuine smile.

She didn’t know if she was truly beautiful. She didn’t know if she’d ever be able to look at herself that way – to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror and not immediately want to look away, seeing only the scuffs and scars that life had inflicted on her.

But Ben wasn’t looking at her like that at all. He was looking at her with bewildered, open wonder, his eyes travelling reverently down her body until he seemed to remember himself and return to her face.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ He sounded so pained that Emily did smile.

‘You tell me,’ Emily said. ‘You’re the one who’s done this before.’

‘You are quite genuinely terrifying,’ said Captain Edwards.

‘Good,’ said Emily.

His nightshirt was already rucked up a little, and she took the edge of it carefully between her fingers and gave it a slight tug. It was a question: Captain Edwards just watched her, apparently unable to say anything, but his head jerked slightly in assent, and she pulled it up as far as his chest before he removed her hands and did it himself. She kissed him to ease the strangeness of it, and he sank back against the pillows and ran his hands through her hair, one after the other.

It occurred to Emily that he probably thought it the only safe place toputhis hands, but without their nightclothes everything was just hot skin against hot skin now, and she thought she might go mad if he didn’t touch her properly.

‘This is good,’ she said quietly into the inch of space between their mouths, ‘and tomorrow we’ll be married, so just .?.?. pretend we already are. Yes?’

Captain Edwards just said her name, but it was much less of an admonishment and more of a dazed exhalation.

‘Ben,’ she said quietly; he shuddered minutely beneath her. ‘Please.’

‘God help me,’ he said, sounding completely wrecked, but apparently God wasn’t listening; he took her by the waist and gently turned her onto her side, so that they were face to face, pulling the blanket up over them both in an attempt at some decency.

‘Tell me,’ he said seriously, ‘if you change your mind, if you want to stop, and we can simply go to sleep like sensible people. Don’t look at me like that, Emily, I mean it.’

‘Look at you like what?’ Emily said, wondering what her face was doing – she certainly had no idea.