Page 66 of Gwen and Art Are Not in Love

‘Does she feel the same way about you?’ Gabriel said, seeming to read her mind. ‘Because there’s too much at stake if you’re not sure. I can’t even begin to imagine what they’d say about our family if this ever gets out. They might even come for our heads.’

Gwen glanced away from him to the floor, and then paused when she realised what she was looking at.

‘Gabe. Why was Arthur still in the royal wing?’ she said slowly.

‘I haven’t the faintest idea.’

‘I know that’s his bandage under your chair. I know because it’s actually a bit of my blanket, and I did a pretty good job of tying it. Why are you lying? What was hedoingin here?’

Gabriel looked completely and utterly defeated; he glanced up at the ceiling as if he were trying to spontaneously vacate his body. ‘Oh God.’

‘Oh Godwhat?’ Gwen pressed.

Gabriel was so red he seemed on the verge of erupting. He cleared his throat, still unable to meet Gwen’s gaze. ‘I … look, maybe there’s something I need to—’

‘No,’ she said, comprehension dawning. She thought ofGabriel putting on his very best jacket the night Arthur arrived at court, and looking thunderstruck every time Arthur spoke to him; the improbability of Arthur going to look at abirdwith someone, without ulterior motives. ‘Wait.’

‘He started it,’ Gabriel muttered wretchedly, and Gwen let out an incredulous half-laugh.

‘You’re not serious,’ she said, as reality tilted on its axis. Gabriel looked like his face was imploding. ‘Oh my God. Oh myGod.’

‘I’m sorry. Gwen, I’m so, so sorry. This was certainly not my idea, and I—’

‘But – youlikehim?’

‘Like is perhaps not the word,’ Gabriel said, looking utterly miserable, and Gwen laughed again, out of pure shock. The tension between them had broken, the air suddenly easier to breathe.

‘Oh.Oh. So that’s why you were so …’ Gwen trailed off, waving a hand at him. She had felt so betrayed. She hadn’t understood how he could be so terrible to her, but she was beginning to – because it hadn’t really been about her at all. Perhaps she still should have been angry with him, but watching him now as he stared anxiously at her on the verge of tears, she just feltsadfor him.

‘I really didn’t mean to do it. It just … happened.’

‘Well.’ Gwen couldn’t tell if she was under- or over-reacting; the evening’s events had left her with very little remaining in her emotional repertoire. She supposed – whyshouldn’tArthur like Gabriel? Gabriel was wonderful, most of the time. And as for him likingArthur– just because shehadn’t expected it didn’t mean that it didn’t make sense. In fact, it made more sense to her than it would to almost anybody else. When she took a deep breath and reached for his hand, he looked ready to collapse with relief. ‘God, Gabe. I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell me.’

‘Youshouldn’t be apologising tome.Please know it’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, I barely even – I’ve tried very hard to make sure that you would neverneedto know. I wasn’t ever going to act on it. I know some people might be able to live one way in public and another in private, but I think the stress of it would kill me. It’s not like I need any more distractions if I’m going to attempt to lead this country.’

‘Oh, Gabe,’ Gwen said softly. ‘They’re going to be so lucky to have you.Allof you.’

‘They’ll never have all of me,’ he said, and she squeezed his hand. They sat quietly with the weight of this, until Gwen let go.

‘So, just to be clear – did youkissArthur?’ Gwen said, and Gabriel winced.

‘Er … Yes. So did you, apparently.’

‘Ha! No. Well, yes, but we were just … trying something. Didn’t work.’

‘Oh,’ said Gabriel, letting go of her hand so that he could rub at his chin distractedly. ‘Well.’

‘But you …?’

Gabriel looked pained. ‘It worked,’ he said. ‘But I can’t let it happen again.’

‘Great. So … you’re going to carry on as if nothing has changed. And you’re going to do exactly what everyoneexpects, and never have anything for yourself. And you’re going to be miserable.’

‘And I’m going to be miserable,’ Gabriel repeated. ‘But – I was always going to be miserable.’

Gwen sighed heavily. ‘Is there something in the water here?’ she said, raising her hands in exasperation. ‘Bothof us?’

‘Perhaps we were cursed,’ Gabriel said, with an attempt at a smile. ‘Morgana’s revenge, for not tearing down the cathedrals and putting up temples in her name.’