Page 59 of Gwen and Art Are Not in Love

‘Christ,’ Arthur said. He was too tired for this. It was one thing for Gabriel to be uncomfortable in himself – to run away, and hide, and try to pretend he didn’t feel things Arthur was almost certain hedidfeel – but it was another thing entirely to hurt Gwen in the same way he was hurting himself. ‘I don’t think he’s, er … coming from where you think he’s coming from.’

Gwen shot him a sideways glance. ‘Why are you talking like you know something I don’t?’

‘What? I’ve never known anything,’ Arthur said. ‘It’s well documented, you can ask anybody.’ He disappeared into his teacup for a while, trying to neutralise his expression. ‘Incidentally, whydon’tyou have any other friends?’

‘Oh, thanks,’ Gwen said, sounding so dour that Arthur laughed. ‘I suppose … I don’t want any. I always had Gabriel, and that seemed enough. All the ladies at court are dreadfulanyway, blithering airheads busy transforming into exact copies of their horrible mothers. They all laugh at me behind their hands and think I’m odd.’

‘Er …’ Arthur said, raising his eyebrows. ‘Are you sure they’re not talking behind their hands because they’re terrified of you? Perhaps because you call them “blithering airheads”?’

‘They’re not, Arthur. I mean, you’ve been spending time with Agnes, I’m sure the two of you have had many laughs at my expense—’

‘Agneswould never say a word against you. Loyal through and through. And I think she actually quite likes you, when you’re not being impossible. Which I suppose must happen once in a blue moon.’

‘Agnes doesn’t like me,’ Gwen said, as if the matter were closed.

‘Well,’ said Arthur, stretching and then wincing as he knocked his injured arm. ‘I think you’re wrong. And you can hardly say you have no friends, now that you have Lady Leclair, yourvery specialfriend.’

Gwen let her head fall to her knees. ‘God, don’t. I don’t know if she thinks of me that way, and I – I feel awful about it all.’

‘Well, you shouldn’t,’ Arthur said. Gwen snorted into her kneecap. ‘I’m serious. You know, the more progressive cultists believe that in the days of Arthur Pendragon, it was perfectly acceptable for a man to love a man, or a lady a lady, et cetera. Problem is, there’s no proof. Probably because once Catholicism took hold they burned it all in a big friendly bonfire and pretended it had never happened.’

‘Really?’ Gwen said, her head lifting slightly. ‘I didn’t know that. Gabriel never said.’

Arthur almost swallowed his tongue in his attempt to look normal. ‘No? Strange.’

‘The thing is,’ Gwen said, muffled again against her dress, ‘I think I could love a man. I just … haven’t. I don’t notice many people in that way. And if Icouldlove a man, then surely I should try. It would make everything so much easier.’

‘You could,’ said Arthur. ‘You could fall in love with a man, and know that you once liked Bridget, and neither of those things would change the other. They would both be true. But right now youdolike Bridget. So I don’t think you should settle for a life that denies that particular truth.’

‘Well – aren’t we shining examples of living truthfully right now?’ Gwen pointed out, gesturing at Arthur with her teacup. ‘Could you … fall in love with a woman, do you think?’

‘No,’ said Arthur immediately. ‘Although I assure you that if I ever find myself on the turn, you’ll be top of my list.’

‘Much appreciated.’ There was a comfortable silence between them, during which Gwen sat up properly, leaning against the dresser and squinting up at the ceiling. ‘Bridget told me she courted a woman once.’

Arthur practically spat out his latest mouthful of tea. ‘Well– there you go, then! Why would she tell you that if she hadn’t noticed you desperately mooning after her and decided to give you some encouragement?’

‘I don’t know, maybe she was just telling me as a – a friend. And … I don’t moon,’ Gwen said sternly, before her expression turned to worry. ‘Do I?’

‘You moon, I’m afraid. But she must find it endearing.Can’t say I understand the appeal. I like my men emotionally repressed and unavailable.’

‘How many men have therebeen?’

‘When you say things like that,’ Arthur said airily, ‘you sound exactly like your mother. Look like her, too.’

Gwen narrowed her eyes. ‘There’s no need to get defensive. You’re clearly … experienced.’

Arthur winced. ‘Why does the word “experienced” sound like it means “an unstoppable harlot” coming out of your mouth?’

‘Well,’ said Gwen. ‘All those stories about you – I mean, they said you were with women, but I suppose that was some sort of cover – and then I’m sure you’ve been blazing a trail through the castle since you arrived—’

‘How many people do you think I’ve kissed since I got here?’ Arthur demanded.

‘Oh. Er. I don’t know. I don’t really know what a normal week is like for you, and it’s been almost a month. Five people, maybe? Six?’

‘It’s two,’ Arthur said. ‘Actually. And that’s been an uncharacteristically busy month, for me.’

‘Oh,’ Gwen said. ‘I suppose two is … Well, you can’t blame me forthinkingit. I mean, the sort of things I’ve been hearing, you sounded as if you’d been very … busy.’