Page 28 of Gwen and Art Are Not in Love

‘Well. I’m expected at the … My family is attending the tournament again today,’ Gabriel said slowly. ‘I know Gwen has asked you to join her.’

Arthur felt immediately rankled by the suggestion that he had beensummoned, and should therefore obey. ‘I did receive that invitation. Many invitations, in fact, each more colourfully worded than the last. I actually thought that instead I might go and find a man with strong arms – you know, blacksmith, window cleaner – and ask him to hold me down in the moat until dead.’

Gabriel looked taken aback, and somewhere very deep down Arthur felt a little guilty. He put a stop to this at once. He and Gwen may have made a deal, but he was no royal lapdog; they were supposed to be equals in this arrangement, if nothing else, and he wouldn’t come running on her every whim.

‘Fine,’ said Gabriel, starting away down the corridor. The cat attempted to follow; he glanced down at it, then back at Arthur, and said, ‘Stay here, Merlin.’ Incredibly, the cat stopped abruptly and sat down, tail twitching. They both watched as Gabriel disappeared out of sight.

‘Uh-oh.’ Arthur turned to see that Sidney had finally caught up to him; he was watching Gabriel walk away, with his arms folded and one eyebrow raised. ‘I know that look.’

‘What look? There isn’t a look,’ Arthur snapped. He strode over to the cat and picked it up, ignoring its startled little yowl.

‘He’s not bad-looking,’ Sidney observed as they walked together by unspoken agreement back in the direction of their chambers. ‘And I mean, you love a terrible idea. This one could be your worst yet.’

Arthur chose to ignore him.

They returned to their rooms and Arthur slept soundly all afternoon with Lucifer curled up on the pillow next to him, purring madly and digging his claws into Arthur’s scalp whenever the mood took him. When Arthur finally opened his eyes, Sidney’s face was inches away from his.

‘Is this a seduction?’ Arthur croaked. ‘Because your breath smells like onions.’

‘Believe me, you’d know if it was a seduction,’ said Sidney, putting a bit of space between them. ‘You wouldn’t be able to miss it. You’d be like,Christ, what a seduction I’m having right now.’

‘Lovely,’ Arthur said dully.

‘Was just checking that you’re still breathing.’

‘I regret to inform you: yes,’ said Arthur.

‘Do you want to come out tonight, or do you want to mope?’

Arthur considered. ‘Mope.’

‘I don’t suppose there’s much point asking what’s wrong?’

Arthur sat up on his elbows and sighed. ‘It’s sort of general and specific at the same time. Life, the world, existential despair; my father, my blushing-bride-to-be,herfather. It’s all extraordinarily boring, Sid. I’m exhausted listening to myself talk about it.’

‘Well, I think you should buck up,’ said Sidney, pulling his jacket on. ‘Living in a castle. Whole city of strapping youngmen to pine after. There are much worse things, Art. And you’ve got a cat.’

‘It’s not even my cat,’ Arthur called after Sidney as he left. Lucifer looked at him reproachfully, and Arthur tapped him gently on the nose. ‘I didn’t mean that.’

A few hours later, Arthur found himself quite bored with sulking; he paced circles around the room, drank some wine, trailed bootlaces across the floor for Lucifer, and then felt genuinely hurt when the cat eventually got bored too and screeched at the door to be let out. Once the door was open, Arthur thought he might as well put on his coat and see about catching up with Sidney.

He paused when he reached the staircase; the royal wing was just beyond it. Gwendoline’s notes had been getting increasingly crotchety in tone, and despite his reluctance, he could kill two birds with one stone if he exited the castle via her window. He half expected the guards to stop him when he reached them, but instead one of them gave his neighbour a just-perceptible smirk and then stood aside to let him through.

Arthur knocked on Gwendoline’s door, wondering for a moment if she might be elsewhere, but when Agnes admitted him he saw that the princess was sitting by the fire, reading. Her hair, normally braided up out of her face, was already undone for bed; it softened her somewhat, although she ruined the effect immediately by scowling at him.

‘Are you ever not … here?’ Arthur said, waving around at the room as he entered.

‘Areyouever where you’resupposedto be?’ Gwendoline countered, closing her book. ‘Agnes, give us the roomplease.’ Agnes left, rather reluctantly. ‘Thanks for not bothering to show up to the joust, Arthur. And for involving Lady Leclairagain– does your selfishness know no bounds? You haven’t been at a single event, or replied to any of my notes. You’re a reallyfunperson to fake a relationship with.’

‘Oh, shit,’ said Arthur thoughtfully. ‘I completely forgot about that. The Lady Leclair thing, I mean. Glad it went off as intended.’

‘Your sincere and heartfelt apology is noted,’ spat Gwendoline. ‘Why haven’t you been at dinner either? I haven’t seen you at all. Have you even been sleeping in this castle?’

‘Wouldn’t you like to know,’ Arthur said airily, despite the fact that he’d essentiallyonlybeen sleeping.

‘This only works if you’re actuallyhere, Arthur, and if we actually pretend it’s … You aresoinfuriating.’ Arthur shrugged in a way that he knew all too well was frustratingly insolent. ‘We had a deal, and instead you’re toying with me on purpose. Why don’t you care?’

Arthur was slightly taken aback by the emotion in her voice; she looked a little grey around the edges, as if she’d been expending more energy than she could afford to give.