Page 22 of Gwen and Art Are Not in Love

‘Ouch,’ said Sidney, with a sympathetic wince. ‘Want to hear my review of the great city of Camelot?’ Arthur nodded, and Sidney sat down on the edge of the bed. ‘Shithole. Everything’s falling apart. Few good inns though. Auditioned them all.’

‘Don’t let the king hear you call it a shithole,’ said Arthur, reaching out to stroke the cat. ‘It’s his pet project.’

‘Fine, it’sup-and-coming,’ said Sidney. ‘He could have just settled at Winchester like everybody else for the past ten million years, or given London a go if he wanted to modernise, but he had to give this old relic one last gasp.’

‘All right, well, you’ve really sold me on it,’ Arthur said, retracting his hand as the cat attempted to shred it. ‘I need you to carry a note for me. We’re going out tonight.’

‘Out,’ said Sidney, ‘orout?’

‘What doyouthink?’

Sidney just sighed, picked up one of his daggers and slid it back into place in his belt.

Arthur knocked on the door for a second time, his brow furrowing.

‘She knows we’re coming,’ he said to Sidney, who shrugged. ‘The guard let us through.’

Arthur was about to knock for a third time when the door opened; a pretty face with a faint scattering of freckles over the bridge of its slightly upturned nose was looking warily at them through the gap.

‘Good evening, Agnes,’ said Arthur. ‘I believe we were expected?’

‘My lord,’ Agnes said, with a little curtsy. She pulled the door fully open to let them in.

‘Bloody hell,’ said Sidney, as they walked into a room at least twice the size of theirs; it contained a dining table that seated six, a set of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and an enormous fireplace carved all over with flowers and gurning cherubs. Soft, cushioned chairs were arranged regimentally around the hearth, which was carpeted with a plush and extremely expensive-looking rug. In the corner there was a thickly padded cot, with blankets and cushions stacked neatly. It wastooclean. The only sign of life was a vase full of bluebells on the dresser by the window. ‘This is averynice room.’

‘Her highness will be with you in a moment,’ Agnes said, smiling shyly at Sidney and then retreating through an adjoining door.

‘There’s no way she’s read all these,’ Sidney said, straying over to the bookshelves and picking a book at random.

‘I wouldn’t be so sure,’ said Arthur, throwing himself into one of the armchairs and immediately putting his feet up on the upholstery. ‘She’s got nothing else to do.’

‘Hello,’ Gwendoline said warily from the doorway. Her eyes swept over Sidney mauling her books and Arthur’s boots on her armchair, but Agnes was watching them, so she just treated them to a very tight and unconvincing smile.

‘Evening. Wine?’ Arthur said, pointing at Sidney, who put down the book and presented a bottle with a flourish.

‘Agnes,’ Gwendoline said with some effort. ‘Could you please pour the boys some wine, and then – and then you’re dismissed.’

Agnes looked startled. ‘But … you want me to leave youalonewith him?’ she said, her voice dipping to a loud whisper.

‘Yes,’ said Gwendoline firmly. Agnes did as she was told and then left, glancing back over her shoulder with wide-eyed astonishment.

‘Why did she have to leave?’ said Sidney, sounding genuinely disappointed, knocking back most of his glass in one gulp.

‘Get your feet off my chair,’ Gwendoline snapped at Arthur. In the interest of temporarily keeping the peace, Arthur did. ‘Sending her away is much more effective than having her sit here and listen to us pretend at being sweethearts. If the guards don’t talk, thenAgnescertainly will. She’ll tell her noble friends at court; it’ll be all over the castle by tomorrow that we’re being hideously indecorous, because we’re soterriblyin love.’

‘So you don’t want any wine then,’ Sidney said. Gwendoline gave him a withering look.

‘I’m going to go back to my bedroom to read,’ she said. ‘You can sit out here and drink as much as you want. Just let me know when our great romance is over for the evening.’

‘Ah – actually,’ said Arthur, getting up and crossing to the mirror on the opposite wall so that he could check his reflection. ‘We’ll be heading out.’ He took a length of ribbon out of his pocket and used it to tie up his hair, twisting it expertly into a knot at the nape of his neck.

‘What do you mean, heading out?’ Gwendoline said, crossing her arms. ‘I thought the whole point was that we’resupposed to be having a – a clandestine evening together. How does that work, if you’re not even here?’

Sidney walked over to the windows and started methodically checking them, opening each one and popping his head out to peer around before moving on to the next. ‘Got one,’ he announced.

‘I’d ask if you’ve ever climbed out of one of these, but that would be a silly question, wouldn’t it?’ said Arthur, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a rather squashed, wide-brimmed hat with a feather in it. He stretched it out with his hands and then pulled it low over his eyes.

‘Out of thewindow?’ Gwendoline said incredulously.