Page 66 of Infamous

There it was. The final piece of the puzzle that Eddie had only really begun to put together a few hours before. And itdidmake sense.

Rose wasmarrying Albert for the same reasons Albert was marrying Rose. It was painful and discomposing, but probably not in the way that Rose feared; Eddie felt bludgeoned by the fact that she had not known something so integral about her very closest friend – that she had felt the need to keep it secret from her, probably for years. Had Rose thought that Eddie would judge her? Or perhaps that she might retreat from their friendship, afraid of being somehow tainted? If so, she had monstrously misunderstood Eddie’s character.

After all, Eddie hadn’t thought twice about kissing Rose. In the treehouse. Or in the billiard room. It had seemed completely natural to her. An inevitable development in their friendship, after spending that many years so very close. It hadn’t felt particularly remarkable that Rose was kissinga woman, or that this made some grand statement about who she was or who she liked, just in the same way that it had not thrown Eddie into some sort of crisis.

Except that .?.?. for Rose, ithadbeen a reflection of who she was. In fact, any reasonable person could deduce that if one liked kissing girls, this might hint at a romantic inclination towards the same sex. That thing that Eddie had been trying to avoid thinking about – that she had been avoiding so steadfastly every time she and Rose undressed for bed on opposite sides of the room – was suddenly laid bare before her, where she had no choice but to look at it.

‘Oh,’ she said aloud, as the implications of this hit her like a stagecoach.

Perhaps it was not too late for a crisis after all.

There was a worried shuffling under the blanket, and she patted what she hoped was Rose’s shoulder, attempting to be reassuring.

‘Umph,’ said Rose. ‘Did you mean to place your hand on my thigh?’

‘Whoops,’ said Eddie, rapidly removing it. ‘Er .?.?. Can I please step into your office for a moment?’

‘Well,’ said Rose. ‘Fine.’

She lifted the edge of the blanket and Eddie ducked under, pulling it firmly over both of them. It was very hot and stuffy, but compared to the chill of the room outside it was actually quite pleasant. Rose looked as dusky and pink as her name in the blanket-light.

‘I am still not going to look at you,’ she said, in such an officious and stubborn voice that Eddie snorted a short, soft laugh into the warm air between them.

‘That’s all right. I just came in to tell you .?.?. well, to tell you that you are the very best person I have ever encountered. And that I’m sorry you didn’t think you could just talk to me about this – because I know I can be an enormous fool, Rose, but I want to know everything there is to know about you. It only ever makes me love you more.’

Rose laughed. It sounded wet. Eddie suspected she might be crying. Something occurred to her, and she frowned.

‘That’s why you wanted all that practice with me, I suppose. Not to kiss Albert. But to kiss .?.?. ladies. Being a lady, I suppose I was very well-suited to be your stand-in.’

Rose was silent for a second. ‘Yes. I suppose you were.’

Eddie thought to ask about Miss Cliffe – to ask about the details of what she was now sure had been a romantic encounter, to attempt to squeal and congratulate her and play the role of the delighted friend – but she found herself unable to do so.

Of course Rose would like Isabella. She was brazen, and confident.Shecertainly would not have been surprised by this revelation from Rose, or caught unawares by her own feelings. Perhaps she and Rose would write to each other. Perhaps Miss Cliffe would visit again to continue their acquaintance. Eddie would have to learn to bear it.

‘In case it’s of interest,’ Eddie said instead, ‘I saw your fiancé kissing a very tall gentleman in the library a few hours ago. But I suspect that you already know about that.’

Rose smiled down at her knees. ‘Oh, was he? Good for him.’

‘Yes, well. I suppose that .?.?. knowing what I know now .?.?. I am very glad that the two of you found each other. I still don’t entirely understand why you have to marry at all, Rose—’

Rose sighed. ‘Look, I know you are convinced that you can make your own way in this world, and I certainly would not bet against you – but to us mere mortals, being an unmarried woman is not an attractive prospect. I don’t want to be the spinster that the married people take pity on – the one they seat by the fire at parties, to warm her lonely bones and consider her failings. Of course, there are things I have wanted – things I know I cannot have – and it would bewonderfulto simply live as myself, to be free to make that choice, but in the world outside Bede House, I need to be practical. My position, my family, my prospects – they are not quite the same as yours, you must be able to see that. It might seem repugnant to you, but Albert and I have made the radical choice to behappy, in our own way. And we want our home to be a safe place, somewhere we can build a community – I can think of no better use for a house, or for my time.’

Eddie considered this. The problem with Rose was that she was always so inclined to be kind to others, over and above how kind she was willing to be to herself. It was hard to tell which this was.

‘I suppose I understand. And if you were going to marry any man .?.?. Albert is very well suited to the position.’

‘He’s lovely,’ said Rose. ‘My parents adore him.Iadore him. I think we shall build a very agreeable life together.’

‘Do you know, I never thought I would say this, but .?.?. I think you will.’

Rose smiled again, but it quickly gave way to a frown.

‘I suppose .?.?. you must like Nash a great deal, to have taken such a risk in kissing him.’

‘It’s .?.?. difficult to explain,’ Eddie said slowly. Somehow, she had almost forgotten, but the shame came flooding back in an instant. ‘God. It’sNash. Obviously he is handsome. Clever. Funny. Far more trouble than he’s worth – and youmustbelieve me when I say I had no intention of doing anything at all untoward with him. I had been drinking, and he gave me something to smoke, and one thing led to another before I realised the first thing had even begun .?.?.’

‘It’s all right,’ Rose said suddenly. ‘You don’t have to tell me. But you must know that no good can come of this, Ed. I cannot imagine anybody left in our party telling tales back in London, but .?.?. I suppose Liza might, and who could blame her? The rest of England isn’t like this little island. The rules are different here .?.?. there practicallyareno rules. We can’t stay at Bede House forever, and when we go back home you must still have a life to return to.’