Page 164 of Let's Kiss and Tell

“You know I love Quinn and Sadie. They’re my whole world and I wouldn’t trade them for anything, but I don’t know…I look at what happened with you and I think,Wow, he gets to live his life all over again.You get a second chance at living the life youreallywant whether that be moving to another country, or starting a whole other career, or sleeping with as many people as you want. You can make mistakes, and you canlive.And yeah, Mom is…Mom…but she’s hard on you because you’re her favorite. Not me.”

I laugh, knowing very well that can’t be the case. “If you say so.”

“You remind her of Dad.”

I so badly wish that sentiment didn’t feel like a punch to my gut. “So I’ve been told.”

“You’re stubborn, you’re opinionated, she can’t control you…” Oliver says. “And shereallyfucking loves you.”

As if on cue, Quinn peeks her head out of the glass door. “Everything okay?” She gives the two of us a concerned look. Probably based on the tense look on our faces.

“Yeah, we’re good.” I wave for her to come over.

She passes us two bottles of water and then squeezes my shoulder. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but Sadie was saying you promised you would watchThe Brady Bunch Moviewith her.”

I let out a weak laugh and then look at Oliver, who tips his head toward me. “Yeah, I’ll be right in.”

32

Lucy

“Thank you for coming in, Lucy.”

“Thank you for having me,” I say. “Well, I guess I don’t really need to thank you. I’m paying you.” I nervously laugh but am met with just a polite smile. “I really enjoyed our phone consultation…You were my favorite out of the five therapists I chatted with.”

“I appreciate that,” Ana says as I admire her tight curls and deep caramel loafers. She has a polished, professional style. “Now, since this is your first time doing therapy, we’re just going to start off slow. For today, I just want to get to know you and learn a little bit more about why you wanted to start this journey.”

I adjust myself on the chair that feels far too comfortable for what we’re doing. Maybe that’s the point. To be so completely relaxed that I’ll just expose all my deepest and darkest secrets to this stranger. My eyes scan our surroundings. The office building we’re in feels modern and new. There are warm, cream walls and a giant fiddle-leaf fig next to the window, and it looks like it was interior designed by the West Elm team.

“Well…my name is Lucy and I’m twenty-nine years old. Asyou know, this is my first time doing therapy.” I continue as if I were in an office icebreaker. “I’m a sex writer—that means I write about sex and relationships for a living. I used to have a pretty clear view on what I wanted out of relationships and how I viewed sex. Lately, I’ve just been confused, and I don’t know what I want anymore. And my best friend, Jonah, swears by therapy. I used to think I didn’t need it, but like I said, lately I don’t know what I need anymore…That’swhy I’m here.”

I finally stop talking and instantly regret running my mouth. Ana nods thoughtfully, not writing down any of this, and I’m wondering if she should be taking notes. Isn’t that what therapists do?

“You said that you used to have a clear view on what you wanted out of a relationship,” she says. “What was that?”

“That I didn’t want one.” I let out a weak laugh, but Ana continues to stare like she’s unconvinced it’s that simple. I cough and continue. “So, I think I’ve consistently been ‘dating’ someone since I was seventeen years old. It’s kind of embarrassing.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about, Lucy,” she says, and the reminder eases me up a little. “How have your relationships been with the previous men you’ve dated?”

“Not great,” I say. “The thing is I rarely meet someone that I actuallywantto spend time with. I usually give men at least a second date, because I get it, first impressions are tough. But I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to willingly spend all my time with someone. Having a long-term partner was never something that I wanted.”

“Have you ever been in a serious relationship?” Ana asks.

“No.” I shrug. “In college I dated someone for probably three months or so and I just…didn’t want to anymore.”

“Why was that?”

“Because he started talking about kids and our future after graduating and I didn’t want those things.”

Ana crosses one of her legs over the other. “What’s your relationship like with your parents, Lucy?” I tense up for a moment and Ana senses my hesitation. “You only have to share what you’re comfortable with.”

“It’s fine,” I say.

“Are they still married?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not expecting us to have a breakthrough in the first session,” Ana says gently. “This is going to be a journey, and one that we can hopefully go on for a while. We can always talk about your parents later.”