Page 149 of Let's Kiss and Tell

“She’s not the person you think she is,” Julia says.

“Are you talking about last night?”

She looks down. “She told you about last night?”

“Yeah, because we don’t keep secrets from each other,” I say, knowing that it might sting.

“Is that why you told her everything?” she spits back at me and then lowers her voice. “How could you?”

“Because I’m with Lucy now and I want our relationship to be open and honest—”

“Marshall,” Julia snaps. “You’re never going to be happy with someone like Lucy.”

“Who’ssomeone like Lucy?” I repeat.

“Come on.” She gives me a doubtful look. “I get it. She’s young, and hot, and exactly what you want out of a rebound. But you can’t settle down with someone like that.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I spit out, offended in more ways than one.

“What she writes about…” Julia warns.

“Okay…” I shrug. “And?”

“And you graduated at the top of your class at USC; you’re one of the best news reporters in the city. You want to be with someone who writes about whatshe doesfor a living?”

“Sex and relationships?” I squint, making sure we’re talking about the same thing.

“Sex,” Julia corrects me. “She’s a sex writer. She writes about sex. I’ve read her articles. She doesn’t write about relationships. She’s not even capable of writing about relationships because she’s never been in one.”

I begin to feel hot underneath my collar. “She actuallyisin one, Julia,” I say sharply.

“Oh please,” Julia scoffs again. “She’s probably using you to write her latest set of stories. It’s going great right now but you’re just another dildo to her. Lucy’s going to chew you up and spit you out.”

“The way you did?” My pulse thunders.

“I loved you, Marsh,” she says, and the words out of her mouth feel more like an insult than anything. “Lucy will never love you because she’s incapable of love…and you know it.”

Julia’s words feel like arrows that were just shot at me and now I’m standing speechless with holes through my body. I don’t know what to say. Julia doesn’t know Lucy the way I do, the intricacies of Lucy’s relationship with love. But I can’t deny Julia just said out loud something I’ve been wondering: Would Lucy and I really work? The answer is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter to me. I no longer want to connect with another person on the sole indicator of “Will it work?” All that matters is “Do I want to try and make it work?”

While I could easily spit back and say nothing but equally hurtful things at Julia, I won’t. Because I don’t have anything to prove to her right now. It takes a certain kind of person to find their ex and say hurtful things on their own wedding day, and it takes a certain kind of person to cheat on their partner of nine and a half years. I’m not entertaining this, and it proves nothing by doing so.

“Yeah, well.” I nod. “If that’s what loving me looks like then I think I’ll be fine.”

“I just don’t want you to waste more time,” Julia says earnestly. “And I know we could have the same conversation over and over again about who wasted whose time…but when it comes downto it, I don’t want to see you give yourself to someone again and then have them hurt you.”

“Julia.” I look at her, not even able to trick my mind and see anything other than someone mean in a wedding dress. “I appreciate you trying to look out for me. I really do. And maybe you’re trying to get my forgiveness before you start this next chapter, guilt free. If that’s what you need, Jules, then you got it. Go. Start your family, live your life with a clear conscience. Because in all honesty, you did something I was too much of a coward to do. You ended it. So, for that, I thank you.”

With that, I turn around and end my final conversation with Julia.

28

Lucy

I’ve spent approximately four and a half hours with the Oakleys, and I know three things: 1) Oliver Oakley will always give you his undivided attention. In the two instances I’ve been with him, which were his six-year-old’s birthday party and a wedding with more than two hundred people, he will make eye contact, listen to what you have to say, and have a conversation like you’re the only person in the room. 2) Quinn Oakley was meant to be a mother. She’s the kind of person who always exudes a calming maternal instinct and makes you feel safe. If she’s talking to you, it’s because shewantsto and once she holds your hand and gives it a squeeze, she’s officially in your corner. 3) Charlotte Oakley is a strong, misunderstood woman. I can see how one would describe her as harsh, high-maintenance, and perhaps judgmental, but she raised two boys entirely on her own and she loves them with her entire heart. She just wants to know that when she’s no longer here, whoever her boys choose will love them just as much as she does.

I adore the Oakleys, and it wasn’t until Charlotte took me aside and said, “I hope you can come to Oliver and Quinn’s forChristmas” that I realized that I wanted to. I want to pick out gifts for each of them, I want to hang out more with Sadie and see her entire doll collection, and I want to sit around the tree wearing those stupid plaid pajamas and curl up to Marsh while we drink hot chocolate. I want things I’ve never wanted before.

My chest begins to feel warm, almost like liquid. It’s like my insides are a block of ice, slowly melting, and my cold exterior is deteriorating.