Page 107 of Let's Kiss and Tell

“Why?”

“I just feel like the past is in the past, so there’s no point in going back there. What about you?”

“I think my past self,” I say. “I still think there’s time to change the future, so I don’t know if whatever my future self would have to say would be that helpful.”

“We’re getting deep,” Lucy says and then pops a kettle chip in her mouth. “Would you rather give up sex or give up food?”

I’m surprised it took usthislong to get to the topic of sex. “Well, seeing as my longest relationship was practically celibate,” I admit, “I would say sex.”

“You’re joking,” Lucy says.

“About which part?”

“All of it?” Lucy laughs. “Like, yeah, we need food to live, but I feel like most guys would give up food!”

“Wouldyougive up sex?” I ask.

“Sex is my livelihood!” Lucy says. “But yeah, I’d probably give up sex too. I can give myself a better orgasm than most men.”

There’s that twist inside me again. It’s a mix of wanting to hurl at the thought of Lucy with another man and the urge to take my time with her. I want to explore every single inch of her and give her an orgasm that would absolutely change her answer.

When I see her take the final bite of her roll, I wipe my hands on a napkin and take a sip from the bottled water I have. “Want to get ice cream?” I look at Ghirardelli Square up ahead.

“Now we’re talking,” Lucy says.

We walk up to the famous San Francisco chocolatier and make our way to the ice-cream shop section of the store. It’s bright, loud, and full of tourists and kids in line. We share the signature hot fudge sundae and find a bench in Russian Hill overlooking the waterfront.

“Your family is so nice, Marsh,” Lucy says as she scoops a spoonful of ice cream. Her hair is messy and blowing in the wind, and she looks like something I don’t deserve to be looking at.

“Oliver and Quinn are great,” I agree and take a generous scoop with chocolate sauce.

“I noticed you didn’t really say bye to your mom,” she says softly.

“You saw that?”

“Mhm,” she says gently, placing her hand on my forearm. “Everything okay?”

Her touch causes me to sigh. I’m not the most open person. At least that’s what people tell me. But when Lucy asks me how I’m feeling, Iwantto tell her.

“She’s really close with Julia,” I say. “My mom kind of took her side during the breakup.”

“That’s awful, Marsh…I’m so sorry.” Lucy leans in closer, her eyes intent, trying to show me that she feels for me. “Why would she choose someone else over her own son?”

“Because I’m the one that broke up with Julia,” I say.

Lucy’s face drops. “You are?”

“Yeah.” I take another spoonful of ice cream and look out onto the water.

“Oh…” She sits with this. “I always thought she was the one who ended it.”

“Well, she was.”

“I don’t understand.”

My throat feels tight and my shoulders feel heavy. I don’t want to talk about this but at the same time I want Lucy to know.

“Julia cheated on me,” I say.