Page 126 of The Witch Queen

And he would harm Gavin as well. Rage crackles through my blood. Barnabas paws at the ground, as if even he is ready to charge at Lord Warbeck.

“I’ll have him sent from court immediately,” I say. “Stripped of his title. He—”

“Can do as he likes,” Gavin finishes for me. “I appreciate your concern. But trust me when I say that Father will never go anywhere quietly. He’ll only make things a thousand times worse.”

Much as I hate it, I know that Gavin is right.

“Is that why you’ve done all this, then?” I ask. “The trials? Because of him?”

“No.” He shakes his head. “Father doesn’t havethatmuch power over me. Don’t get me wrong, he was thrilled at the idea. But I joined the trials because of Mother. The promise I made to her: to keep up her work. Not the things she learned from the witches. But to try to help the people around us. Upholding that promise is the least I can do after…” He hesitates. “Well, after I’m the one who killed her.”

I stare at him. “Gavin, you can’t believe that.”

“Can’t I?” He shrugs. “If I hadn’t been sick, Mother wouldn’t have resorted to such measures. She might still be here.”

“Her death isnotyour fault,” I say, squeezing his arm. “I may not have known her, but I’m certain she wouldn’t blame you. And you shouldn’t blame yourself.”

Though that’s exactly what I’ve done when it comes to my own mother. Why is it so much easier to say these words to Gavin than accept them myself?

“That’s kind of you,” he says, “but—”

“But nothing,” I interrupt. “You deserve to be here.”

He looks at me a long moment.

“So do you, Blodwyn,” he says at last.

The weight of his gaze is uncomfortable and I focus on something else.

“The rest of the court doesn’t agree. Not after the ball.” And it suddenly occurs to me that I haven’t seen Gavin since that night. “And Inever thanked you for your actions. That wasn’t the first time you intervened on my behalf.”

Barnabas snorts, as if annoyed at being excluded. I fish a sugar cube from a pail and offer it to him. He lips it from the palm of my hand.

“It was nothing,” Gavin replies. “Competition or not, I couldn’t leave you to that…whatever it was. And I’ve heard what the court has been saying. Ignore them. They’re all idiots.”

“So you don’t think I’m cursed?” I ask wryly.

“No,” he says. “I’ve never thought there was anything wrong with you.”

Gavin meets my gaze again, the gold flecks glimmering in his eyes. I inhale his scent of cedar and forest. And, for a few heartbeats, I think he might start to lean in. That I might even want him to, which is far more terrifying.

Don’t,a small voice inside me warns.Don’t let him close.

Footsteps sound nearby.

“You should go,” I say, hardly able to tell if I’m relieved or disappointed. “That might be your father.”

Gavin pauses. Runs a hand through his hair. And I think he might say something else. But then he nods and rises.

“Until later, then,” he says.

“Later.”

The footsteps are closer now. Gavin glances in that direction and then hurries off, leaving me spinning in the tempest of my own feelings.

Feelings Icannothave.

Especially not for him. Much as I despise Lord Warbeck, he’s right about one thing: Gavin and I are competitors. Even if we weren’t, I’ve made up my mind that I’ll never fall in love. Never allow myself to be caught in Mother’s position. Her journals have only proved my opinions correct. Real love doesn’t exist. Not here. Probably not anywhere.