Page 12 of The One Where They Fall in Love

“Wow, isn’t itexhaustingbeing such an asshole all the time? I’m surprised you have to tire yourself out on the treadmill every night.”

I shake my head in disbelief. I’m really trying to be the bigger man here, but she is making it hard. Part of me admires Elle. She is clearly someone who cares so deeply that she is willing to sleep outside my door to comfort a dog she’s never met. But is she also a little crazy? Sure.

I watch her tighten her arms around her chest and rub one tricep with her palm. She’s cold. She’s laying outside my door in a freezing cold hallway because she feels bad for my dog. I never thought I’d have this particular problem in my life. But man, this girl makes it really hard to hate her.

I push past her, kicking her pillow and blanket to the side and jam the key into my door. I don’t want her to think that she’s won, but I also want to get her inside to warm up. Thor greets us both at the door, his tail wagging, butt-wiggling, and whining like a pig.

I decide not to comment on the fact that the littletraitorcompletely sidesteps me to get to Elle. He isdefinitelynot getting cream cheese off of my bagel tomorrow. Today? What is time anymore?

When the door closes behind her, Elle takes in my apartment before dropping to the floor and giving Thor all of her attention.

“Hello, my friend! How are you?” Her voice goes through varying levels of high pitch squeals as she rubs every inch of Thor, who soaks it up like he’s never been given a minute of attention in his life. She sits down and Thor does a somersault into her lap, letting her scratch his chest and belly as his legs go limp. “Oh, did that mean man leave you alone again? He is theworst,” Elle says, baby-talking Thor as he licks her nose.

“I hate to break up this love fest, but Thor does have to go outside and some of us would like to go to bed,” I say, leaning against the counter, trying to save any energy I have to get this crazy lady out of my apartment. 6:29. Dammit.

Elle rolls her eyes at me but makes no move to leave. “Why did you name him Thor?”

“He’s my sister’s dog,” I say, crossing my arms. “My sister—who does not think anything through—adopted him about a month before deciding to move to Italy for a year. The same sister probably thought he was going to be really big, hence, the name.”

She looks up at me, pursing her lips—which are a bit mesmerizing. She really is beautiful. Shrill and a total nag, but beautiful. Part of me, maybe a big part, regrets that we got off on the wrong foot.

“What kind of work do you do?” she asks plainly.

I wish I had the balls to say, “It’s none of your business,” but I opt for the truth.

“I’m an internal medicine resident at Mount Sinai,” I say. “And you?”

“I’m a book editor,” she says with a wave of her hand, as if that could make her words less significant.

I try not to focus on the rise and fall of her chest as she takes a deep breath and gives Thor a final pat on the stomach. She looks like she’s contemplating something. She opens her mouth to speak several times, until she finally stands up with a sense of determination. She takes a step toward me and I focus on maintaining eye contact with her, so my gaze doesn’t drift downward. We’re in close enough range that she could slap me now. She looks at me, almost like when she first opened her eyes and saw me the othernight, and finally speaks. “Look, we can’t go on like this,” Elle starts.

“Like what, exactly?”

“You’re probablynota horrible person, saving people and stuff as you do,” she adds, shrugging her shoulders. “Thanks for that by the way.” I nod my head, trying not to laugh at the way she says it so casually. “But unfortunately I have no other evidence to support that you aren’t.”

“A horrible person?” I confirm.

“Indeed,” she says, interlacing her hands in front of her. “And the well-being of a dog is at stake, a matter which I do not take likely.”

“A matter which is also none of your business,” I add.

“If it affects my sleep, it’s my business. Ilovesleep,” she says, widening her eyes. “Plus, you have to—if you have any heartat all—admit that you feel bad about leaving this guy alone all night.” She gestures to Thor who is sitting at her feet.

“Of course I do. I’m not a monster,” I reply.

“So you say,” she says passively. “Nevertheless, I’m left with no other choice. I have to intervene.”

“Do you?” I wince. I squint and clench my teeth, like I’m bracing for impact. She rolls her eyes at me again. Man, that is either really starting to piss me off, or really turn me on. I can’t decide which.

“So, here’s my offer,” she says, pulling back her shoulders and standing confidently. “I’ll babysit Thor while you go to work.”

“You want to watch my dog at night?”

“For free,” she says, confidently. “Thatis how much I love my sleep.”

“How do I know you won’t just straight-up steal him? No offense, well, maybesomeoffense, but you seem like a little bit of asqueeze-them-so-hard-you-choke-themlevel of animal lover.”

“No offense taken. But you know where I live. I’m not going anywhere with him.” She folds her hands in front of her and rocks on her feet, clearly waiting for my answer.