Page 97 of I Hope This Finds You Well

She lets out an ugly cackle. “Are you messed up?” Then she points and, even though it’s actually nowhere in my direction, I physically flinch away. She laughs again. “It’s actually true? That’shorrible.”

My anxiety can sometimes be painful, words banging around in my head, my ribs tightening around me like a vise. But the worst kind of panic is numb, almost peaceful. My brain starts to swim away. I’m afraid I’m going to actually pass out or lose control of my voice and scream.

I need to get out of here.

I push past her with an elbow, but she grabs my arm, her grip surprisingly firm. “Hey, you can’t assault me! You’re like that, I guess. I’m adding all this to my email.” Her eyes shine like twisted marbles. “I’m telling Gregory all about you next week. It’s a matter of safety!”

She releases me with a shove, and I stumble backward into a stall, almost fall into the toilet. My vision is clouding. My hands have closed tight. All the bones in my fingers have fused together, hard as stones. My brain might burst any second.

I close my eyes, take one long breath, and run for it, sidestepping Caitlin. I make it back into the barroom. It’s pretty much empty now, a few staff members clearing used plates and glasses from the tables. I rush outside onto the street. The cool air nips at my skin, affording me a second of clarity. But my earlobes feel tingly and numb, and my temples pull tight. I’m having a panic attack, and I need to go somewhere private.

On autopilot, my feet carry me back to the office.

The office is completely empty when I make it to my floor. I don’t bother to turn on the lights, heading straight to my desk and slumping into my chair. It says a lot about my mental state that as soon as I stepped into the elevator, I could feel myself calming down, soothed by the familiarity of the stale air.

But Caitlin knows about Ellie—hasknown, probably, since the day of her engagement party. Why didn’t she use this information sooner?

She mentioned an email.

I log in to my computer and check every single item she sent in the last month. Nothing.

Unless... she didn’t send it yet.

I go into my bottom desk drawer and pull out the maroon folder. Scrawled on a Post-it note are her passwords.

I look around the barren room. The only sound is the rhythmic dripping of the watercooler, echoing through the space like a drumbeat.

I have to know.

I go over to her desk chair and pull it out gently. Her diffuser issitting to the right of her monitor, unplugged. On the left are several photos of her fluffy white cat, who looks as miserable as a Ben Affleck meme in its tutu.

I move her mouse across her purple mouse pad and her screen comes to life. I type:Iamagoddess.

And there it is, sitting in her drafts folder. The one folder that I can’t see with my admin privileges.

To: Gregory Hall

From: Caitlin Joffrey

Subject: Information about an Employee

Hello Gregory,

I’ve been thinking about my future with Supershops. As you know, I’ve been with the company for a few years and (LIST THINGS DONE HERE THAT SHOW HOW GREAT I AM). I’m aware there may be some departmental restructuring soon, so I wanted to bring to your attention (FIND A WAY TO PROFESSIONALLY EXPRESS: Jolene is a loser by definition, and she’s ruining the company with her vibes and messed up attitude).

I do feel that if opportunities for progression are to come down to me and a colleague that may have been here longer, I’d be the stronger choice. I assure you that my dedication to this company, the pride I take in every project, my education and ability to represent myself within this office, is unmatched compared to any other potential candidate for this role.

I believe my reputation within Supershops speaks for itself. As does yours: you’re someone I admire, and your career is impressive. I view you as a mentor figure and honestly a super boss. I’d love to continue to grow within this company and continue to build on the impressive machine you’ve managed to run so smoothly.

I pause. Even as I struggle to comprehend everything I am witnessing, I have to wonder: Who hurt her to be able to say such kind things to Gregory?

I have an idea what the final paragraph will say before my eyes even reach it. It’s like years of this specific dread have developed into a sixth sense within my soul.

(MENTION HER DEAD FRIEND AND THE THEORIES). I thought you should know. Given Jolene’s pattern of aggressive behaviors toward colleagues in the office, I feel it’s a duty and a matter of safety to voice all relevant concerns about this employee’s past.

Respectfully,

Caitlin