Page 86 of I Hope This Finds You Well

I shake my train of thought away and ignore the heaviness that rests in my bones. “Oh no!” I force my voice to brighten. “I’m just looking forward to diving back into my studies. I have a feeling it’s teaching me more than I’m teaching it.” If we can just laugh and go back to beingus.

“That’s good,” he says, another empty reply. His lip doesn’t even twitch in that cute way it does when he’s trying not to laugh—not that I notice it much.

I sink into my chair. This place got to him.Igot to him.

Cliff pulls his packet open, and as he starts to go over internal biases, my mind wanders. I think of taking dull bus rides down the same roads I drove with him—the ice-cream shop, his bowling alley. I think of coming to work here without seeing his icon flashing as online.

Cliff stops midsentence and stares at me with a raised eyebrow. “Jolene, have you listened to a word I’ve said?”

I nod. I definitely did not.

He sighs. “I really want you to pass this course, so can you please focus?”

I almost nod again, but my gaze snags on the donut he got me, and I blurt, “Why do you want me to pass?”

Cliff’s eyes widen, finally revealing a hint of emotion. “What?”

I lean back in my chair and cross my arms. “Why do you want me to pass? Honestly, what difference does it make to you if I fail?”

“Jolene, what?” He looks at me with an assessing tilt. “It’s obvious.”

“Then tell me,” I demand.

Cliff looks completely baffled. He throws his hands up. “I mean, because I’d like for you to keep your job. I want good things for you. I like you.”

His words fall between us and we both lock eyes. Even though there’s a desk separating us, he’s so close that I can feel the warmth of him radiating toward me, smell the sugar on his breath from the donut he ate. I’m again so aware of exactly how many inches are between us. It’s not much, but it’s the whole world.

“Cliff, I li—”

But Cliff shakes his head, his expression almost scared. “You’re my friend, Jolene. Of course I like you.”

His words cut through me like pellets. I’m so stupid.

His jaw is tight. Again, he won’t look at me. He knew what I was about to say.

It’s like falling into a pit inside myself.

Fuck him. Fuck his donuts. Fuck every trinket in his office.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I was going to say.” My nod is too hard. “We’re friends. Such great friends.” Cliff stares at me tensely, something brewing behind his eyes.All my thoughts muddle as I blurt out, “Except you’re moving back to Vancouver. What kind of friend doesn’t even share that?”

Cliff blinks at me, his jaw stiff, as my stomach plummets. “What?”

I found the line and crossed it.

I continue: “I saw your phone yesterday when I was picking the music.”

I watch him as my words sink in. “Jolene, that’s not... You went through my phone?” His brows twist together.

He doesn’t know the half of it. Guilt tumbles into the pit inside me.

“I’m sorry,” I backtrack. “I just—it was an accident.”

His jaw ticks. “Yes, I was looking into it. It’s complicated and actually not your business.”

Of course it’s none of my business. Other people know that. Other people wouldn’t demand answers.

“I’m really sorry,” I say through my tight throat. “You’re right. You’re HR. It’s my job to tell you personal things, and it’s your job to keep at a distance.”