Page 16 of I Hope This Finds You Well

I lay a hand over my forehead like a visor. Sure, Caitlin and me have a bad thing going, but with the other two... I always got the sense I was giving off quiet vibes and nothing more.

I startle when Penny Johnson appears behind me. She’s looking at the communal bulletin board with the schedule for when the next blue jeans week is. She must have big plans to rock her perma-wedgie Wranglers for us all. I wheel back toward my screen just in time. A new message is flashing orange. I try to puff out my shoulders to hide my monitor.

Caitlin:And Rhonda, remember how she wouldn’t let you decorate for Christmas? She took down the tinsel that breached her cubicle. What is that?

Rhonda:Ridiculous. I was only trying to spread holiday cheer. She’s very unpleasant, but it’s common these days.

Caitlin:That’s what I’m saying. We’ve gotten conditioned to think it’s normal. She’s been warring with us for years.

I always knew they didn’t like me, but to see it summarized so concisely—it’s like being slapped from the inside. I blink and blink andblink some more. I couldn’t handle Rhonda’s tinsel because it was covered in some type of glitter that would fleck all over my desk and attach to my clothes. If I wanted to wear the same office pants two days in a row (or, being real, three), I needed to mitigate the mess, so I moved it to the other side of the wall.

I didn’t mean for everything to become a fight. Every petty thing I did was small, but they slowly compounded, and now it’s who I am to them. It’s my whole life here. The hollow feeling from before expands.

Another message from Caitlin appears. I don’t want to read it, but it’s like I don’t have a choice.

Caitlin:She doesn’t even have friends. Work people were the only ones she added when she started her Instagram.

Armin:Exactly, her life is sad enough. We don’t need to involve ourselves in making it worse. She’s got it covered lol.

The back of my throat hitches. Yeah, I’m a general mess, but I didn’t realize how much of a joke I am to them.

They don’t know that I did have a friend, once. At least.

Caitlin:The elephant in the room is there’s going to be layoffs. If she passes that HR course, it’s like, on paper, the bad actions didn’t even happen. Hopefully she’s not taking one of our spots when the layoffs come. Maybe then you’ll wish you’d said something earlier.

Armin:So what are you suggesting, getting her fired?

Caitlin:I’m saying you should at least consider going to HR about the message she sent—it made you uncomfortable, didn’t it? I think it’s almost sexist if you don’t. Us women have to fight harassment all the time. If they choose to terminate, it’ll be her fault. But if you don’t say anything and then something happens, what then?

Heat swoops over my cheeks. Armin shakes his head as he types.

Armin:Uncomfortable? Yes, a little. But not enough for me to go to HR about. If something else happens, I’ll start to consider. But if she hasno friends, this shitty job is all she has. I can’t ruin her life over a likely harmless message.

Rhonda:With nothing left to lose, she could retaliate!!

Rhonda:She doesn’t seem violent, mind you. But she might steal a wheel from our chairs or destroy my singing Santa decoration.

Rhonda:I need to get a lock for my festive decor closet ASAP!

Armin:Well, this is getting unhinged, so I’m out. If all this is because you’re worried about our jobs, don’t be. Those rumors always happen, and they always stem from Larry Goodwin. He’s paranoid because of that new HR guy, but not exactly on the cutting edge of office news. Next week, he’ll be scared if the watercooler moves one inch away from his office. Besides, Rhonda and I are in accounting—a different department.

Armin Habib has left the conversation.

Caitlin and Rhonda exchange a look. I do my best to freeze my expression as my insides implode.

Armin’s chair squeaks. He stretches up and grabs his hoodie from the back. He catches me peeping before I can divert my gaze. His eyes flash with something that might be anger for a quick second, before they glaze over with an unreadable expression.

Shit.

I duck behind my cubicle wall, heart beating into my temples as I stare at my dusty keyboard. All I had to do was keep him from thinking I’m unstable. A herculean feat.

After a beat, I peep at my screen. Another message awaits.

Rhonda:Don’t tell Armin, but the rumors are true. I saw a memo on Gregory’s desk. They may be reorganizing.

Caitlin:See! Why couldn’t they have fired her yesterday then?! Jolene gets out of jail free if she passes the course, and I still have to worry about my job security when she’s the clear choice.

Rhonda:I know it’s hard for us nice people to work with some of the less friendly folks, but don’t worry, I’m sure if they have to let one of you go, they’ll pick her. I’ve been around long enough to see all the bad eggs get taken out.