Page 2 of Night Songs

Shelli whispered, “Let’s go.”

“No,” I whispered back.

Rick cracked his beer and gestured toward the water. “Bet you never jumped before.”

“Bet you haven’t either,” I answered without thinking.

He snickered. “We’ve done it a bunch of times.”

I turned back and looked him in the eyes. They were gooey and pink like they’d smoked in the front seat of his grandma’s Nissan Stanza.

“Okay, let’s see it,” I said.

He glanced at Steve and shook his head. “Naw. I just wanna get hammered.” He took a lusty sip of beer, and a bit of it dribbled down his acne-studded chin. I couldn’t imagine a more repulsive creature.

I peered over the edge. It was clear all the way down, with no outcroppings to catch on. The water was famous for its depth; a few kids had tried to swim to the bottom, but they’d never found it.

I stood up, pried my Chucks off at the heels, and tucked my socks inside. My feet were soft and pale, like new babies against the smooth, sunbaked stone. I walked up to the very tip of the ledge where it jutted out over the water like a prehistoric diving board.

“There’s no way,” Rick mocked.

It was my favorite time of day, just before the sun set, when the light was almost purple. The California air was so hot and dry it smelled like dust. Thick yellow-wooded pine extended for miles in the distance, and birds dove and emerged from the treetops like they were pollinating them.

I felt the soft grunt in my throat, and I knew this was the moment.

I took a few steps back, then I ran toward the ledge and jumped.

The air was slick against my body, the trees rushing up to meet me.

I entered the water like a needle sliding into a vein.

I let my body sink down until I hit a cold, silent place. Then I opened my eyes, and there was only murky dark blue, like I’d discovered a sliver of night below the water. I floated there, unmoving, just a chunk of debris.

Something smooth thumped powerfully against my ankle, and I jerked, the sudden hot movement sucking down my oxygen.

I kicked against the water and propelled myself upward, my lungs screaming and my head pulsing. I broke through the surface gasping and barely able to tread water. It seemed darker out, as if I’d been down there for hours. My limbs were nearly numb as I pulled myself up on the far bank and lay there for a while, allowing my body to return to itself.

I scanned the ledge above, and I was surprised that no one peered over. I hadn’t heard a single cheer or scream. The skin on my arms prickled where it had come back to life, and I shot to my feet and moved toward the trail that led back to the ledge. My wet jean shorts rubbed against my thighs and the rocks cut into my bare feet, but the pain quickly receded as I ran up the steep incline.

When I got to the ledge, it was empty save for the twelve-pack and the bottle of Mad Dog on its side, dribbling red onto the rock. I heard murmurs in the trees, and I followed them to a cleared spot where Steve had Shelli pinned to the ground with one meaty knee. Rick stood above them with his fingers hooked in the waistband of his pants.

I charged at Rick, knocking his body down hard against the earth. We tussled, and he turned over and straddled me.

“I thought you said they were sluts,” Steve said to Rick.

“I knowsheis,” Rick answered, sneering down at me.

I struggled against him, but I couldn’t throw off his weight. I was trapped and utterly helpless, and the claustrophobic panic I sometimes felt rose up like a toxic gas. All I wanted was for it to stop.

My body took over, and my head smashed into his, his nose bursting into a mass of lurid blood. He rolled off me clutching his face, and I crawled toward Steve, who immediately stood up and raised his hands in surrender. Shelli remained on the ground, unmoving.

I pulled her up to standing, but when I let go, her legs went limp beneath her. I crouched down and threw her tiny body over my shoulder.

As I trudged through the woods to Shelli’s car, my heart slowed, and my creature instincts bristled, then receded back to their hiding place. I was a girl once more.

In my bedroom, Shelli cleaned the blood from my face with shaking hands while I inhaled In-N-Out.

“Are you okay?” I asked gently.